she is the sunlight

[shihandai]

Who: Kaoru Kamiya
What: Takes place after THIS THREAD. Kaoru obviously has a reaction to this, and so it's time to go somewhere and escape and take it in. Saitou Hajime may be a bastard, but he doesn't lie. Still..a fake. Could it be possible?
Where: Probably partially in the streets, leaning towards the training area and probably beyond that. She's just..aimelessly wandering.
Style: Whateva.

--

Last time I checked you had been killed.


First the mission which was still haunting her heart. Then the earthquake--hurdle after hurdle. And then her death.
"Killed." As in..dead. As in not coming back. As in Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi-san, Tsubame-chan, Tae-san, Kenshin were all going to be left behind and she was--she was--

The minute she shut off the feed with the stoic, (but never dishonest when it came to her) policeman, Kaoru took a breath, a choppy breath, as the device fell straight out of her shaking hands. She could feel a cold sweat breaking on her face--and knew it to be white as paper with or without a mirror. She could already feel her heart race at an uneven pace--feel her breathing go faster and faster until she felt her head swim. She stumbled a little, tumbling into the wall of her apartment as she clutched her chest, staring blankly at the floor.


"Fake..he did say it--could be fake...didn't he? " Her eyes blinked multiple times, as if in a slight stupor, as she began to open the door, quietly walking down the hallway with a sort of blankness that didn't fit her usually vibrant step, or her bright-eyed smiles. Her face was quietly subdued, and worse, it was as pale as ash; as she walked with her head down, utterly lost in thought.

A few times she bumped into people in the street, Kaoru looking up with a mumbled 'excuse me' as she mulled over the policeman's words.


I wouldn't..I wouldn't let myself die. If he says it might be fake--then I have to believe he's right. I have to believe that--or else--or else I am as good as dead. And I won't let myself be.


She walked  around the city like this, no destination, simply a need to escape--somehow to quell the rising panic that maybe Saitou's other option was wrong. It was too horrible to imagine and she was so set on surviving, so set on living the future she never thought she'd ever be given (with Kenshin) to it's fullest that it was something her heart--could stubbornly not accept.



"Yeah...it's..it's a fake." Her voice was firm, even though she could feel moisture gather at the backs of her eyes. She felt seperate--detached almost. She didn't know how to go forward --not until she could settle herself.

And so that's what she was doing.


The solution was simple, wasn't it?

She'd just have to prevent herself from dying. True or not.

Comments

[tauborn]

[He's on his way to work, but immediately decides he can be late.]

Kaoru? [There's a question to his voice because it's hard to believe that this... this pale, stumbling woman... is his boisterous sensei. He's about to ask if she's okay and then realizes that that is such a stupid, pointless question. So he just lays a hand on her arm.

It's worrisome that she's looking much worse than she did when he last saw her at the clinic.]

[shihandai]

[Kaoru was still quietly walking, lost in her own thoughts until the sudden touched caused her to jump a bit. She blinked slowly, as if not quite certain there was someone in front of her before her face spread into a small smile. ]

Oh. Hey, Takuto.

[tauborn]

[He doesn't even try to hide any of his worry. Instead he just guides her aside, to someplace they can sit down. She really doesn't look like she should be on her feet.]

What's going on?

[shihandai]

[And Kaoru doesn't even try to shake him off. She sits down on a bench, and realizes blankly that she's been walking for about an hour, trying to figure out how to ensure that her own 'death' is really a fake. When you have almost nothing to go on..it's not looking that great.

At his words there is only silence.]

[tauborn]

[The silence scares him a little, but he swallows that back because he doesn't want her to know she's scaring him. He checks her forehead for a fever--who knew what poisons a kishin egg might carry, and it hadn't been too long since her mission. But her temperature seems normal, even though her skin looks pale.]

Kaoru, you've got to talk to me.

[shihandai]

H..Huh? [She blinks herself out of the stupor once again, looking over at him with another assessing blink. A laugh escapes. ]

Oh sorry..um..could you repeat that?

[tauborn]

[His tone lets her know he's not joking.]

Kaoru, if you don't snap out of this, I am going to get you to the clinic.

[And then his voice softens as he looks at her with a gentle smile.] What happened? Something's not okay....

[forhispeople]

[Suddenly, Ling. Right behind you. He came from nowhere.]

Miss Kaoru? Are you--

[No, no she doesn't look all right. He was stalking that network post, he'd guessed as much.]

Miss Kaoru... are you okay?

[shihandai]

[Kaoru doesn't even notice that presence, she doesn't even scream. She turns her head briefly, then turns so her face is visible, pale, white, but a weak smile on her face. As if she has to take a minute to assess who is in front of her.]

Ling-san. Hello..

[forhispeople]

I saw that man on the network. You must be upset by what he said.

[Ling steps a little closer, nodding at her to ask permission.]

May I keep you company a bit?

[shihandai]

You..so you saw that..[Kaoru lowered her eyes, biting her lip, before she gave a single nod. ]

..S-Sure.

[forhispeople]

[He frowns deeply at seeing her so out of sorts. That stupid man. Ling was even more inclined to hate him now.]

Hey. Miss Kaoru, may I?

[He took her hand very carefully in both of his, and laid his thumb across her wrist. Of course, her pulse was there, in a steady beat.]

Can you feel that?

[shihandai]

H..Huh? [Kaoru looks surprised, as he feels her pulse.

Her pulse.

That's the pulse of a woman alive. ]

I..--yes. I do.

[hesgotsoul]

[Soul, in the meantime, is wandering around himself, but for very difference reasons. Shibusen people like him needed to be out and about to help folks --

-- oh. Is that Kaoru?]

Hey.

WHY DOES HE ALWAYS SEE HER AS A WRECK WHYYYYY

[shihandai]

[Kaoru doesn't notice at first, but she blinks slowly, turning her head, looking dazed. ]

Huh? Oh. Soul, right? I remember you..

BECAUSE

[hesgotsoul]

You okay?

HNGHHH

[shihandai]

..Yeah. I'm fine.

[hesgotsoul]

You don't look it.

[shihandai]

Yeah, well I just got back from a mission, I doubt I'm going to look that great.

/so... freaking... late...

[willing_sheath]

[Tomoe had not spoken to the man on the network--Saitou, Kenshin had called him--but she had followed everything the man said since he mentioned Battousai. The only Saitou she had been aware of was the third unit captain of the Shinsengumi, Saitou Hajime... but she'd never seen the man, or if she had she didn't recognize him. Even so it seemed insane that they would be on any sort of speaking terms... Of course if it had been ten years since the end of the war... who knew...]

[Regardless of who the man was... he had made reference to Kaoru's death twice. She had gleaned no more information than that--and if anything more had been said to Kenshin it seemed as tough the message had been sent privately--but the mere mention was... daunting. Even if he had said that he doubted it was real.]

[They had all seen so much tragedy already... she couldn't bear the thought of them seeing more--even if she would never know one way or another. The thought of anything happening to Kaoru... and what it would do to Kenshin... It left her feeling hollow inside, as if the feeling hadn't been becoming far too familiar.]

[It was then that she saw the person on her mind, and she stopped dead in her tracks to watch her for several long seconds. She didn't need to have any special powers of perception to know what must be on the girl's mind.]

[She hadn't really seen Kaoru for weeks, not since Christmas, and for a moment she didn't know if she should speak or let her go on her way--but at the same time if it had been her...]

[Finally she approached, wondering if Kaoru would notice her before she spoke, before saying the girl's name quietly.]

...

Kaoru-san?

nope!

[shihandai]

[Kaoru in question was not at all aware of the older teen. She herself stumbled a bit, wrapping the pink shawl Rangiku had gotten her around her shoulders as she blankly stared ahead of her.

The bright spark that she usually had in her eyes was all but snuffed as she assumed she was alone in the corner of the street, to take a deep breath, bring a trembling, white hand to the wall and suck in a breath as her eyes shut tightly. Her shoulders were slightly shaking.

And then her name was called.

It was a true sign that Kaoru was not herself because it took her several moments to simply stare at Tomoe with glassy blue eyes, not seeing, only looking through.

Thankfully that fog cleared and a strange, strained smile appeared on her face along with almost embarassed surprise. Tomoe-san..how had she been holding up? How could she hope to face her if she might break her promise? Let alone with her slowly budding relationship with Kenshin finally being acknowledged.. ]

Tomoe-san...? H..Hello.

;o; ok

[willing_sheath]

[Tomoe wasn't sure what to expect. Like so many other things that they were faced here, how was anyone meant to react to such news? First the dead being brought back to life--now this hanging notion of predetermined death?]

[But he had said... it might not be real. Still, what kind of bastard just dropped that information on unsuspecting people?]

[After a moment's hesitation she finally moved forward, her expression guarded to hide the majority of her worry, but there was still a clear note in her eyes.]

I don't... [Her brows drew just a bit.] I don't know who that man was. I didn't speak, but... I heard what he said. Are you alright?

[It felt ludicrous to ask that question. Of course she was not alright, she was visible not alright--but this didn't seem like a time when she could just leave well enough alone.]

:)

[shihandai]

[Kaoru just turned so she was facing her, her pale cheeks and drawn in eyes plain for the other woman to see. At her question she couldn't help but let out a slightly harsh, shaky laugh, her hand going to her mouth as tears pricked her eyes.]

You really are a kind person, Tomoe-san. No, I'm not alright. I don't want to lie to you. I'm scared. I might end up breaking my promise to you--and Kenshin. [her breath shook out of her body as she covered her mouth]

I've got to fight but I don't know how--I don't know who's after my life. I don't know where this happened--I'm not ready.

[willing_sheath]

[Tomoe was lost for what to say or do. This place took all reality and turned it on its head far too much. What were any of them really to do...?]

[She moved closer and after a moment's hesitation reached out to touch Kaoru's arm. Even if she had no words to offer... she could at least offer some form of grounding.]

...

It's alright to be scared... It proves you're alive... that you're human...



[ooc; omg I am so sorry this is so late x__x I THINK I GOT IT NOW, I WILL BE LESS FAIL!!!]

[shihandai]

[don't apologize! it all okay. :)]

[Kaoru stared at that hand on her arm, and felt her frustration build. Tomoe shouldn't have to be involved in this--she was making things painful for her! She wanted to apologize. ]

..I'm sorry, Tomoe-san. I..--I feel like I should be saying sorry to you. [she offers a watery smile, played up by the pale face and circles under her eyes]

I-I haven't seen you in a while. So I'm..I'm glad. [her shoulders tremble a little]