Entry tags:
she is the sunlight
Who: Kaoru Kamiya
What: Takes place after THIS THREAD. Kaoru obviously has a reaction to this, and so it's time to go somewhere and escape and take it in. Saitou Hajime may be a bastard, but he doesn't lie. Still..a fake. Could it be possible?
Where: Probably partially in the streets, leaning towards the training area and probably beyond that. She's just..aimelessly wandering.
Style: Whateva.
--
Last time I checked you had been killed.
First the mission which was still haunting her heart. Then the earthquake--hurdle after hurdle. And then her death.
"Killed." As in..dead. As in not coming back. As in Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi-san, Tsubame-chan, Tae-san, Kenshin were all going to be left behind and she was--she was--
The minute she shut off the feed with the stoic, (but never dishonest when it came to her) policeman, Kaoru took a breath, a choppy breath, as the device fell straight out of her shaking hands. She could feel a cold sweat breaking on her face--and knew it to be white as paper with or without a mirror. She could already feel her heart race at an uneven pace--feel her breathing go faster and faster until she felt her head swim. She stumbled a little, tumbling into the wall of her apartment as she clutched her chest, staring blankly at the floor.
"Fake..he did say it--could be fake...didn't he? " Her eyes blinked multiple times, as if in a slight stupor, as she began to open the door, quietly walking down the hallway with a sort of blankness that didn't fit her usually vibrant step, or her bright-eyed smiles. Her face was quietly subdued, and worse, it was as pale as ash; as she walked with her head down, utterly lost in thought.
A few times she bumped into people in the street, Kaoru looking up with a mumbled 'excuse me' as she mulled over the policeman's words.
I wouldn't..I wouldn't let myself die. If he says it might be fake--then I have to believe he's right. I have to believe that--or else--or else I am as good as dead. And I won't let myself be.
She walked around the city like this, no destination, simply a need to escape--somehow to quell the rising panic that maybe Saitou's other option was wrong. It was too horrible to imagine and she was so set on surviving, so set on living the future she never thought she'd ever be given (with Kenshin) to it's fullest that it was something her heart--could stubbornly not accept.
"Yeah...it's..it's a fake." Her voice was firm, even though she could feel moisture gather at the backs of her eyes. She felt seperate--detached almost. She didn't know how to go forward --not until she could settle herself.
And so that's what she was doing.
The solution was simple, wasn't it?
She'd just have to prevent herself from dying. True or not.
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[He holds Kaoru's hand, trying to show support. It's a teeny bit uncomfortable, since he's not used to showing feelings to girls at all, but this is a special case.]
What scares you the most about it?
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She swallows]
No doubt that..Kenshin heard that also. I--..I want to see him, and tell him that it's going to be alright but he's probably punishing himself. When I think of how it will affect him--[she bites her lip]
I can't bear to even think about it.
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I bet that he is somewhere worrying about what you're thinking. And perhaps afraid to have you see him.
Men are like that, I think. You can't face those who really matter, when you're feeling unworthy.
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If it wasn't..then fight with all she had to keep it from happening. ]
We need to talk about this--even if it's painful..--I told Kenshin that we'd move forward together from now on. I can't just break a promise like that. I'm not going to leave him to do that on his own.
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That's a great idea! I think that's for the best. Talking about it is good for you, right?
[Not that Ling knows how to go about doing that, but hey.]
I wish you luck. It sounds nice, to be able to talk about things like that together. You two sound so close...
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Kenshin is the person most important to me. Of course I want to be close to him--..I think someday, we might be able to talk about all sorts of things together.
But ...--I don't think it'll be easy.
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Didn't a philosopher once say that "love easily obtained is hardly worth the effort, but toil undergone for the sake of love increases love's preciousness tenfold"?
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I-I don't know about that but--where did you even hear that? [she shyly looks away]
..Kenshin for so long has protected the happiness of others by himself. Now? I'm going to protect his happiness for him. I promised..
I know it can't replace human life--but I at least--[she turns and smiles]
I want to support him. Throughout anything. I'm sure there are more important wishes..answers in life for others--but to me, it's the most important.
So I won't die.
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[Ling is quite moved by Kaoru's determination. He smiles brightly too. He squeezes her hand in friendly sort of way, then lets go slowly.]
You're very impressive, Miss Kaoru. I like how positive you are! And I know you'll be okay.
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Impressive, huh? Yeah..I'll just--really have to figure this out, won't I. I have someone that needs me. I can't let him down.
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I don't behave appropriately.... do I.
Well, he needs you, yes, I think so. However... don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's not good for you to pretend you don't feel what you feel... you have to let those feelings out.
[Hello pot, this is kettle!]
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..Did you--gather anything from Saitou? If I'm really dead, it's not going to matter how I feel, now is it? Because I won't exist-- I need to know as much as I can so I can prevent it--for Kenshin and everyone's sake.
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For someone who is telling me something is up to me, you're contradicting yourself. It will matter how you feel. If you aren't in a healthy and balanced state of mind and body, how do you expect to fight back against whatever enemy it is that you fell victim to?
Don't be rash. If you aren't taking care of yourself, how can you expect to be able take care of those who depend on you? Mr. Kenshin for instance. You can't.
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"They're using me to hurt him somehow. But what sort of sick twisted way---I won't allow this. " She hissed, as the realization kicked in. Her head whipped back to face him. "What have you gathered so far. I'm going to need all the information I can get so I can...--so I can live."
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Ling grinned, keen to see her come alive again. "That's the Miss Kaoru I like to see. You're absolutely right! We should find out all we can and fight back!"
"I wrote down everything I've gathered from the network. I can share it with you," he offered. "But honestly, I think you need a good meal in you. Let's go get a beef bowl for some stamina and brain power. I'll bring along my notes." Ling folded his arms, magnanimous. "It's my treat, Miss Kaoru."
[ooc: His thread with Saitou is going nowhere yet. Please allow me to handwave that he'll give her info later! We can end this by having them run off to go chow down?]
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"Good. I'm going to need to look at everything, no matter how dirty it gets. " There was a palpable pallor to her skin that dropped if possible at the mention of it. She couldn't be in the dark. Just as she knew Kenshin was probably trying to find out as much as he could, because she knew him, she herself had to find out what she could--no matter how small.
At the mention of her needing a meal Kaoru stared at her slightly ruffled appearance and offered a strained smile. "Yeah. Can't..solve a murder on an empty stomach."
My murder.
[ooc; go for it]
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He offered Kaoru a little smile to encourage her. "Okay? Don't worry, you have a strong mind, and you have allies who will help you." With a sweep of his hand, he gestured in the direction of his room. "Shall we go?"
ling are you trying to get me fat.
"Ling-san. Thank you. You aren't the first person to visit me today and call out to me. You haven't even known me that long and you're fighting just as hard as me so that I can live to go home---so that my life isn't taken away from me. It's not even your life and you've already started.." Kaoru blinked back tears.
"All of you..--thank you so much!" Kaoru lowered herself into a fast bow, her ponytail whipping up in the air as she swallowed the lump in her throat.
Kenshin. I'm going to fight, okay? I'm going to fight harder than I've ever fought in my life. I promise.