shihandai: (✿i had a dream)
神谷 薫 ✿ Kamiya Kaoru ([personal profile] shihandai) wrote in [community profile] soul_logs2012-01-31 11:50 pm

she is the sunlight


Who: Kaoru Kamiya
What: Takes place after THIS THREAD. Kaoru obviously has a reaction to this, and so it's time to go somewhere and escape and take it in. Saitou Hajime may be a bastard, but he doesn't lie. Still..a fake. Could it be possible?
Where: Probably partially in the streets, leaning towards the training area and probably beyond that. She's just..aimelessly wandering.
Style: Whateva.

--

Last time I checked you had been killed.


First the mission which was still haunting her heart. Then the earthquake--hurdle after hurdle. And then her death.
"Killed." As in..dead. As in not coming back. As in Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi-san, Tsubame-chan, Tae-san, Kenshin were all going to be left behind and she was--she was--

The minute she shut off the feed with the stoic, (but never dishonest when it came to her) policeman, Kaoru took a breath, a choppy breath, as the device fell straight out of her shaking hands. She could feel a cold sweat breaking on her face--and knew it to be white as paper with or without a mirror. She could already feel her heart race at an uneven pace--feel her breathing go faster and faster until she felt her head swim. She stumbled a little, tumbling into the wall of her apartment as she clutched her chest, staring blankly at the floor.


"Fake..he did say it--could be fake...didn't he? " Her eyes blinked multiple times, as if in a slight stupor, as she began to open the door, quietly walking down the hallway with a sort of blankness that didn't fit her usually vibrant step, or her bright-eyed smiles. Her face was quietly subdued, and worse, it was as pale as ash; as she walked with her head down, utterly lost in thought.

A few times she bumped into people in the street, Kaoru looking up with a mumbled 'excuse me' as she mulled over the policeman's words.


I wouldn't..I wouldn't let myself die. If he says it might be fake--then I have to believe he's right. I have to believe that--or else--or else I am as good as dead. And I won't let myself be.


She walked  around the city like this, no destination, simply a need to escape--somehow to quell the rising panic that maybe Saitou's other option was wrong. It was too horrible to imagine and she was so set on surviving, so set on living the future she never thought she'd ever be given (with Kenshin) to it's fullest that it was something her heart--could stubbornly not accept.



"Yeah...it's..it's a fake." Her voice was firm, even though she could feel moisture gather at the backs of her eyes. She felt seperate--detached almost. She didn't know how to go forward --not until she could settle herself.

And so that's what she was doing.


The solution was simple, wasn't it?

She'd just have to prevent herself from dying. True or not.
forhispeople: (where did my younger stupider days go)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-02 07:57 am (UTC)(link)
Of course you feel afraid. Anybody would.

[He holds Kaoru's hand, trying to show support. It's a teeny bit uncomfortable, since he's not used to showing feelings to girls at all, but this is a special case.]

What scares you the most about it?
Edited 2012-02-02 08:00 (UTC)
forhispeople: (ok now you're just pissing me off)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-02 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Mmm. [Ling nods, thoughtful. Somehow this situation all feels terribly familiar. He glances down at the back of his hand, where the tattoo used to be.]

I bet that he is somewhere worrying about what you're thinking. And perhaps afraid to have you see him.

Men are like that, I think. You can't face those who really matter, when you're feeling unworthy.
forhispeople: (got your tickets to the gun show?)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-03 09:45 am (UTC)(link)
[Ling offers Kaoru a hopeful smile.]

That's a great idea! I think that's for the best. Talking about it is good for you, right?

[Not that Ling knows how to go about doing that, but hey.]

I wish you luck. It sounds nice, to be able to talk about things like that together. You two sound so close...
Edited 2012-02-03 09:46 (UTC)
forhispeople: (thoughtful)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-06 10:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[Ling huffs and gives her a shy smile of his own. He scratches his cheek, a bit bashful. Have a quote from Xingese literature.]

Didn't a philosopher once say that "love easily obtained is hardly worth the effort, but toil undergone for the sake of love increases love's preciousness tenfold"?
forhispeople: (heh nice one)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-07 06:51 am (UTC)(link)
I learned that in my studies, of course, silly! I had to learn about all of the philosophers and their works. What kind of leader would I be if I didn't know anything?

[Ling is quite moved by Kaoru's determination. He smiles brightly too. He squeezes her hand in friendly sort of way, then lets go slowly.]

You're very impressive, Miss Kaoru. I like how positive you are! And I know you'll be okay.
forhispeople: (smile gentle)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-08 09:04 am (UTC)(link)
[Ling looks a bit unsure of himself as he tries to figure out how to respond to that. There's the faintest flicker of a sadness in the back of his heart. But he smiles his best.]

I don't behave appropriately.... do I.

Well, he needs you, yes, I think so. However... don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's not good for you to pretend you don't feel what you feel... you have to let those feelings out.

[Hello pot, this is kettle!]
forhispeople: (ok now you're just pissing me off)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-09 05:50 am (UTC)(link)
[Ling looks at her sternly, folding his arms]

For someone who is telling me something is up to me, you're contradicting yourself. It will matter how you feel. If you aren't in a healthy and balanced state of mind and body, how do you expect to fight back against whatever enemy it is that you fell victim to?

Don't be rash. If you aren't taking care of yourself, how can you expect to be able take care of those who depend on you? Mr. Kenshin for instance. You can't.
forhispeople: (serious in black- shadow)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-09 09:36 pm (UTC)(link)
"Probably because of who you are to your important people," Ling guessed. "There are people trying to kill me at home, but if they were smart, what they would do is attack my retainers. Because there's no way they'll ever touch me if I have two guards. However, if they hurt my precious retainers-- I can't take it," he admitted.
Edited 2012-02-09 21:36 (UTC)
forhispeople: (heh nice one)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-19 08:37 pm (UTC)(link)
"It's likely they are. No offense to you, Miss Kaoru, but he seems like the sort that people would want to mess with. 'If you want to attack the general, first shoot his horse,' as the philosophers say. Knock out all of the supports from underneath your opponent so that he has nowhere to run and nothing to cling to. That's the proper way of making war."

Ling grinned, keen to see her come alive again. "That's the Miss Kaoru I like to see. You're absolutely right! We should find out all we can and fight back!"

"I wrote down everything I've gathered from the network. I can share it with you," he offered. "But honestly, I think you need a good meal in you. Let's go get a beef bowl for some stamina and brain power. I'll bring along my notes." Ling folded his arms, magnanimous. "It's my treat, Miss Kaoru."

[ooc: His thread with Saitou is going nowhere yet. Please allow me to handwave that he'll give her info later! We can end this by having them run off to go chow down?]
Edited 2012-02-19 20:41 (UTC)
forhispeople: (got your tickets to the gun show?)

[personal profile] forhispeople 2012-02-20 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
"That's the spirit," Ling nodded, standing straighter. "Very well, I know a place. Let's go get my notes and then go there."

He offered Kaoru a little smile to encourage her. "Okay? Don't worry, you have a strong mind, and you have allies who will help you." With a sweep of his hand, he gestured in the direction of his room. "Shall we go?"