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Entry tags:
she is the sunlight
Who: Kaoru Kamiya
What: Takes place after THIS THREAD. Kaoru obviously has a reaction to this, and so it's time to go somewhere and escape and take it in. Saitou Hajime may be a bastard, but he doesn't lie. Still..a fake. Could it be possible?
Where: Probably partially in the streets, leaning towards the training area and probably beyond that. She's just..aimelessly wandering.
Style: Whateva.
--
Last time I checked you had been killed.
First the mission which was still haunting her heart. Then the earthquake--hurdle after hurdle. And then her death.
"Killed." As in..dead. As in not coming back. As in Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi-san, Tsubame-chan, Tae-san, Kenshin were all going to be left behind and she was--she was--
The minute she shut off the feed with the stoic, (but never dishonest when it came to her) policeman, Kaoru took a breath, a choppy breath, as the device fell straight out of her shaking hands. She could feel a cold sweat breaking on her face--and knew it to be white as paper with or without a mirror. She could already feel her heart race at an uneven pace--feel her breathing go faster and faster until she felt her head swim. She stumbled a little, tumbling into the wall of her apartment as she clutched her chest, staring blankly at the floor.
"Fake..he did say it--could be fake...didn't he? " Her eyes blinked multiple times, as if in a slight stupor, as she began to open the door, quietly walking down the hallway with a sort of blankness that didn't fit her usually vibrant step, or her bright-eyed smiles. Her face was quietly subdued, and worse, it was as pale as ash; as she walked with her head down, utterly lost in thought.
A few times she bumped into people in the street, Kaoru looking up with a mumbled 'excuse me' as she mulled over the policeman's words.
I wouldn't..I wouldn't let myself die. If he says it might be fake--then I have to believe he's right. I have to believe that--or else--or else I am as good as dead. And I won't let myself be.
She walked around the city like this, no destination, simply a need to escape--somehow to quell the rising panic that maybe Saitou's other option was wrong. It was too horrible to imagine and she was so set on surviving, so set on living the future she never thought she'd ever be given (with Kenshin) to it's fullest that it was something her heart--could stubbornly not accept.
"Yeah...it's..it's a fake." Her voice was firm, even though she could feel moisture gather at the backs of her eyes. She felt seperate--detached almost. She didn't know how to go forward --not until she could settle herself.
And so that's what she was doing.
The solution was simple, wasn't it?
She'd just have to prevent herself from dying. True or not.
/so... freaking... late...
[Regardless of who the man was... he had made reference to Kaoru's death twice. She had gleaned no more information than that--and if anything more had been said to Kenshin it seemed as tough the message had been sent privately--but the mere mention was... daunting. Even if he had said that he doubted it was real.]
[They had all seen so much tragedy already... she couldn't bear the thought of them seeing more--even if she would never know one way or another. The thought of anything happening to Kaoru... and what it would do to Kenshin... It left her feeling hollow inside, as if the feeling hadn't been becoming far too familiar.]
[It was then that she saw the person on her mind, and she stopped dead in her tracks to watch her for several long seconds. She didn't need to have any special powers of perception to know what must be on the girl's mind.]
[She hadn't really seen Kaoru for weeks, not since Christmas, and for a moment she didn't know if she should speak or let her go on her way--but at the same time if it had been her...]
[Finally she approached, wondering if Kaoru would notice her before she spoke, before saying the girl's name quietly.]
...
Kaoru-san?
nope!
The bright spark that she usually had in her eyes was all but snuffed as she assumed she was alone in the corner of the street, to take a deep breath, bring a trembling, white hand to the wall and suck in a breath as her eyes shut tightly. Her shoulders were slightly shaking.
And then her name was called.
It was a true sign that Kaoru was not herself because it took her several moments to simply stare at Tomoe with glassy blue eyes, not seeing, only looking through.
Thankfully that fog cleared and a strange, strained smile appeared on her face along with almost embarassed surprise. Tomoe-san..how had she been holding up? How could she hope to face her if she might break her promise? Let alone with her slowly budding relationship with Kenshin finally being acknowledged.. ]
Tomoe-san...? H..Hello.
;o; ok
[But he had said... it might not be real. Still, what kind of bastard just dropped that information on unsuspecting people?]
[After a moment's hesitation she finally moved forward, her expression guarded to hide the majority of her worry, but there was still a clear note in her eyes.]
I don't... [Her brows drew just a bit.] I don't know who that man was. I didn't speak, but... I heard what he said. Are you alright?
[It felt ludicrous to ask that question. Of course she was not alright, she was visible not alright--but this didn't seem like a time when she could just leave well enough alone.]
:)
You really are a kind person, Tomoe-san. No, I'm not alright. I don't want to lie to you. I'm scared. I might end up breaking my promise to you--and Kenshin. [her breath shook out of her body as she covered her mouth]
I've got to fight but I don't know how--I don't know who's after my life. I don't know where this happened--I'm not ready.
no subject
[She moved closer and after a moment's hesitation reached out to touch Kaoru's arm. Even if she had no words to offer... she could at least offer some form of grounding.]
...
It's alright to be scared... It proves you're alive... that you're human...
[ooc; omg I am so sorry this is so late x__x I THINK I GOT IT NOW, I WILL BE LESS FAIL!!!]
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[Kaoru stared at that hand on her arm, and felt her frustration build. Tomoe shouldn't have to be involved in this--she was making things painful for her! She wanted to apologize. ]
..I'm sorry, Tomoe-san. I..--I feel like I should be saying sorry to you. [she offers a watery smile, played up by the pale face and circles under her eyes]
I-I haven't seen you in a while. So I'm..I'm glad. [her shoulders tremble a little]
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You have nothing to apologize for.
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--..It could be a fake. So I can't give up. If I die Kenshin--and the others would be unhappy, right? So I can't die--and yet--[she put her hand over her face]
I have no idea who would go so far as to kill me.
no subject
No... you don't.
[Her lips press to a thin line, her touch remaining. It was a terrible fact... but she could think of many people who would hurt Kaoru. she didn't need to know the specifics of who. Kenshin had enemies. and always would have enemies. Considering what had happened in the end with the yaminobu it was the easiest jump in thought for Tomoe to make, and it sickened her.]
We can't know how time actually passes here. There is no way to know if what that man thinks may have happened will actually happen, fake or not... I can't imagine that the future is set in stone...
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I just--I don't think Kenshin could bear this, Tomoe-san. He's found his answer after all this time--to protect the lives in front of him, one by one--without killing but--[her eyes pricked with tears]
The peace--the happiness for himself. His own personal joy..I can't help but feel like--something horrible will happen to him if this does happen. A man can live on a reason that propels his life--but I--we've never wanted that for him, right? We want him..to find his own personal reasons to be happy.
And that's what makes me..so afraid.
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You... need to concentrate on what you can control, Kaoru-san... [She swallowed.] Anything else is distraction... that will intern control you if you let it...
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I know..I don't--I'm not as good as controlling myself as you are. I've never..had that sort of guidance. I envy you, Tomoe-san. You can at least look together even when things are difficult. I still..have a lot of growing up to do. [she blinked back tears as a self-deprecating smile appeared on her face, her hand curling over the one touching her arm.]
But you're right. I've got to do what I can. And that's not let this ruin everything. I have to focus on staying alive, right? So that's what I'll do.
[she bowed her head]
I really..don't deserve you being this kind to me.
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Nonsense. I have every reason to be kind to you and can't think of any reason not to be.
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..But--I'm making you sad, right? I'm not helping at all..--And with this. [she can feel tears prick her eyes.]
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But Tomoe-san, don't you see? You've become important to me--I was worried about you--I haven't heard from you in a while and I just--and now I'm crying and I look like a mess. [she laughed a wet laugh, wiping her eyes. ]
Megumi-san would laugh at me right now..