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Entry tags:
she is the sunlight
Who: Kaoru Kamiya
What: Takes place after THIS THREAD. Kaoru obviously has a reaction to this, and so it's time to go somewhere and escape and take it in. Saitou Hajime may be a bastard, but he doesn't lie. Still..a fake. Could it be possible?
Where: Probably partially in the streets, leaning towards the training area and probably beyond that. She's just..aimelessly wandering.
Style: Whateva.
--
Last time I checked you had been killed.
First the mission which was still haunting her heart. Then the earthquake--hurdle after hurdle. And then her death.
"Killed." As in..dead. As in not coming back. As in Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi-san, Tsubame-chan, Tae-san, Kenshin were all going to be left behind and she was--she was--
The minute she shut off the feed with the stoic, (but never dishonest when it came to her) policeman, Kaoru took a breath, a choppy breath, as the device fell straight out of her shaking hands. She could feel a cold sweat breaking on her face--and knew it to be white as paper with or without a mirror. She could already feel her heart race at an uneven pace--feel her breathing go faster and faster until she felt her head swim. She stumbled a little, tumbling into the wall of her apartment as she clutched her chest, staring blankly at the floor.
"Fake..he did say it--could be fake...didn't he? " Her eyes blinked multiple times, as if in a slight stupor, as she began to open the door, quietly walking down the hallway with a sort of blankness that didn't fit her usually vibrant step, or her bright-eyed smiles. Her face was quietly subdued, and worse, it was as pale as ash; as she walked with her head down, utterly lost in thought.
A few times she bumped into people in the street, Kaoru looking up with a mumbled 'excuse me' as she mulled over the policeman's words.
I wouldn't..I wouldn't let myself die. If he says it might be fake--then I have to believe he's right. I have to believe that--or else--or else I am as good as dead. And I won't let myself be.
She walked around the city like this, no destination, simply a need to escape--somehow to quell the rising panic that maybe Saitou's other option was wrong. It was too horrible to imagine and she was so set on surviving, so set on living the future she never thought she'd ever be given (with Kenshin) to it's fullest that it was something her heart--could stubbornly not accept.
"Yeah...it's..it's a fake." Her voice was firm, even though she could feel moisture gather at the backs of her eyes. She felt seperate--detached almost. She didn't know how to go forward --not until she could settle herself.
And so that's what she was doing.
The solution was simple, wasn't it?
She'd just have to prevent herself from dying. True or not.
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--..It could be a fake. So I can't give up. If I die Kenshin--and the others would be unhappy, right? So I can't die--and yet--[she put her hand over her face]
I have no idea who would go so far as to kill me.
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No... you don't.
[Her lips press to a thin line, her touch remaining. It was a terrible fact... but she could think of many people who would hurt Kaoru. she didn't need to know the specifics of who. Kenshin had enemies. and always would have enemies. Considering what had happened in the end with the yaminobu it was the easiest jump in thought for Tomoe to make, and it sickened her.]
We can't know how time actually passes here. There is no way to know if what that man thinks may have happened will actually happen, fake or not... I can't imagine that the future is set in stone...
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I just--I don't think Kenshin could bear this, Tomoe-san. He's found his answer after all this time--to protect the lives in front of him, one by one--without killing but--[her eyes pricked with tears]
The peace--the happiness for himself. His own personal joy..I can't help but feel like--something horrible will happen to him if this does happen. A man can live on a reason that propels his life--but I--we've never wanted that for him, right? We want him..to find his own personal reasons to be happy.
And that's what makes me..so afraid.
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You... need to concentrate on what you can control, Kaoru-san... [She swallowed.] Anything else is distraction... that will intern control you if you let it...
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I know..I don't--I'm not as good as controlling myself as you are. I've never..had that sort of guidance. I envy you, Tomoe-san. You can at least look together even when things are difficult. I still..have a lot of growing up to do. [she blinked back tears as a self-deprecating smile appeared on her face, her hand curling over the one touching her arm.]
But you're right. I've got to do what I can. And that's not let this ruin everything. I have to focus on staying alive, right? So that's what I'll do.
[she bowed her head]
I really..don't deserve you being this kind to me.
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Nonsense. I have every reason to be kind to you and can't think of any reason not to be.
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..But--I'm making you sad, right? I'm not helping at all..--And with this. [she can feel tears prick her eyes.]
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But Tomoe-san, don't you see? You've become important to me--I was worried about you--I haven't heard from you in a while and I just--and now I'm crying and I look like a mess. [she laughed a wet laugh, wiping her eyes. ]
Megumi-san would laugh at me right now..