soul_logs | [Morning Training, open to all!]

Entry tags:

[Morning Training, open to all!]

Characters: Everyone!
Location: Training Ground, Shibusen
Rating: PG-13 for violence of the training sort
Time: 6am to 9am
Description: Training takes place every morning in the park to prepare the guests of the city for the ongoing war. It's handwaved most days, but approximately once a month this gets played out in a log. This log takes place on August 5th.
Extra note: The clowns have not yet attacked, but the hummingbird keychains have glowing eyes!

Official areas:

FAQ: In need of help or answers? Come here! Staffed by Neji.
Breakfast: The incentive for coming to Morning Training for those who actually don't care about Death City. All food providers are given funds to buy/prepare the food and are then paid for the time they spent cooking/preparing. Provided by a catering service for now
Combat Instruction: One can learn and improve on fighting techniques! Staffed by Cloud and Sion
Sparring: A bunch of people are there. You show up and pick one to fight. Staffed by Zelgius (beginners), Morgan (intermediate), Amaterasu and Cloud (advanced)
Weapon Transformation: New Weapon? Unsure on how to transform into a weapon (or how to transform back)? Go here! Staffed by Aqua
Soul Perception: Find out more about your soul, what they are, and what they potentially may do. Staffed by Death the Kid
Partner Training: Learn how to work as a partner! Staffed by Death the Kid
Weapons Handling Training: Learn how to handle sharp things and not so sharp things! Staffed by Auron and Genesis
Shooting Range: Learn to shoot a gun, not at quail though, so expect your face to come out of this just fine. Staffed by Naoto, Giroro, and Duo Maxwell
Meister Ability Helpers: Learn about your Meister ability and how to use it. Staffed by Akiha
Finding a Partner: Unpartnered Weapons and Meisters meet each other here! Staffed by no one :(
Medics: A place for medics to hang out, recruit and aid the injured - especially if they get shot in the face by accident. Staffed by Rosalia
Watch: This is where members of the watch meet up, chill, recruit and train! People interested in the watch welcome!
SEES: This is where SEES members hang out, and recruit!
Hug Brigade: A begrudgingly still opened squad dedicated to hugs of encouragement. Thank Lee for this! Staffed by Lee and his brigadiers!

And of course, as always, feel free to make your own threads!

Open Character threads (Bear with me as I try to catch them all ;;):

((Also, apologies for being late. I screwed up. 8|;; )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[His lips turn into a small, tight smile at that. Of course Kaworu will. That's how Kaworu is. He closes his eyes, and does his best to open his wavelength.

For a moment, nothing actually happens. There's no reaching out or joining of souls because, while Kaworu may not have any walls... the past few months have left Takuto building them up and tearing them down and rebuilding a certain few that are particularly designed to keep Kaworu out.

He takes a deep breath. He gives Kaworu's hand a squeeze. And then the floodgates open and Takuto's dazzling soul comes tumbling out. There's a brightness to his soul, hot like an open flame, but it's flickering. Erratically. He still can't figure out how to let Kaworu in and keep him out at the same time, and even knowing that doing both is impossible, he's still unsure, still trying to do it anyway. There are things Takuto cannot say. There are things Kaworu shouldn't know. There is love and disgust and jealousy and bits and pieces keep slipping through the cracks in his unstable walls.

This might have been a terrible idea.]

[ Kaworu waits patiently until the other is ready and when finally he allows him, the angel's soul reaches out for him. A need o meet the other, a need to feel him but above all, a need to give all of himself to him. Kaworu doesn't hold back, all of his love, his care - even if his love is rather general and about all the people, it's because he specifically feels Takuto that he will direct it to him. Because resonance is amazing to Kaworu; to feel another like this, the intimacy of it and how close to "one" two people are able to become. His soul is warm and gentle, caring, open, ready to give as asked, ready to embrace and hold closer, and ready to feel more, give more and welcome more.

His hand squeezes him tighter as he feels that uncertainty; Kaworu doesn't know what jealousy is, so that feeling is foreign, but he knows it's a negative emotion. He can feel bits of it. Resonating is difficult, Kaworu understands that. Because it exposes you to the other, and how far is okay to expose yourself without being judged, without being afraid to be hurt?

The angel understands why Takuto holds back. But still-

his free hand reaches for the other's cheek, to gently stroke it ] You don't have to push yourself. [ he can relax, it's alright ]

[He finds himself opening his eyes, a wall dropping like it'd been made of hot wax, and he's staring into Kaworu's eyes, with Kaworu's hand on his cheek. All the love and all the care... it would be very nice to give in to that. Kaworu's soul is a perfect reflection of Kaworu himself--warm and welcoming and entirely free of judgement.

Kaworu is... perfect.

And immediately he jerks back as if burned, pulling free of Kaworu's hands and his soul's gentle caress.

"I-I'm s-sorry. I... I can't." He shakes his head much too quickly. "I'm sorry."

[ the angel is caught on surprise and the sudden movement, as Takuto pulls away. He blinks for a second or two, but his smile quickly returns to his lips, and shakes his head softly ]

It's alright. Don't worry about it. Resonance can be incredibly intimate and I realize not everyone is ready to give and receive so much. [ Kaworu knows perfectly well how he is and how open his soul is to others, after all. ]

I'm glad we tried, though.

[Why is everything with Kaworu just so complicated? Takuto doesn't like it. And why does it only ever seem complicated for Takuto? And what was he really supposed to do now about the small, empty ache left behind from even such a brief touch of Kaworu's soul?]

I'm sorry. [~~Seriously, he needs to stop apologizing before he turns into Shinji.~~ He can't help feeling guilty, like he shouldn't have asked in the first place. Because he should have known it wouldn't work.

Or... at least, he should have known he wouldn't let it work. He heaves out a sigh and hangs his head.]

When... when you were here before... we sort of... fought. [And it was never resolved in a way Takuto could feel good about.]

You don't have to apologize to me. [ really, kaworu is the last person who will feel offended or even show hurt.

but at that confession, kaworu is slightly confused. Fought? Kaworu with someone else?

He normally doesn't care about what his last version did, but because it upsets Takuto, he will ask ] What happened?

A lot of things. [Which, if you were to judge by his posture, he doesn't feel very great about most of them.]

I ended up yelling at you, and... and saying some things I regret saying.

[ there is a moment of silence, before Kaworu smiles once again ] Isn't it natural?

Lilin are very fond of their individuality. People hold different thoughts, different ideals, and eventually those clash against one another. Anger is natural then, due to their inability to make the other see of feel the same way.

While it's natural not to be able to completely understand each other's points of view and feelings, you still wish for it. And when you realize the other person doesn't, anger can be one of the consequences. [ Kaworu shakes his head softly ]

It's alright. I'm sorry I made you angry at the time. But you don't need to feel bad for it. [ kaworu doesn't remember it, after all. But above all, he won't ever judge Takuto, no matter what ]

You don't have to apologize. [Kaworu wasn't really at fault, and Kaworu doesn't even remember it anyway....]

It's kind of dumb though, isn't it? Resonance is supposed to be a way to understand another person better. [And look who is failing really hard at that right now. He shakes his head bitterly.] I know exactly why our resonance didn't work.

I don't think it's dumb. You are upset. [ be it at himself, or even at what happened before with kaworu, or even Kaworu too, but the angel doesn't specify ]

So it's natural your soul won't be receptive to mine. [ he also doesn't mind that. ]

So I get angry because I don't understand you and which makes me too upset to properly understand you. [Yes, Takuto still thinks it's dumb.]

You don't have any problems with this sort of thing because you're you, though. You don't understand me either. But that just... doesn't make you upset.

[ the smile grows wider, but always kind. perhaps even kinder, this time ]

It's the price of your individuality., and it's because you believe to be right and that others ought to see it like you do. Because they aren't like what you know - you get angry. But it doesn't have to always be upsetting; if you change your viewpoint, if you accept that what you know is not the same as others, then you will be able to see things differently, to understand them or at least to accept them as they are.

While still different than what you think, they stop being so painful.

[ Kaworu tilts his head, closing his eyes for a moment. ] It's the same with me. I realize I will never truly understand you, for I am essentially different from you. I'm an angel, after all, I'm not meant to be the same. [ that's why he can't get angry]

What I like about you is exactly what I don't like about you.

[He rubs a hand across his face and through his hair. For a conversation that's really been relatively few words, it's already tiring. Or maybe it's just the weight of previous conversations, carried all by himself now.]

If you aren't meant to be the same, then doesn't that make you an individual, too?

I'm sorry for that. [ but he can't really change it. ]

No. It makes me an angel. My siblings may not be here, [ and they are all dead. ] but it doesn't change what we are.

But your siblings aren't you, are they? [They can't be, otherwise they wouldn't be called his siblings. He remembers seeing briefly, what were supposed to be two of the other angels, but they... they looked nothing like Kaworu and nothing at all like living things, either.]

...And you don't have to apologize for the way I feel.

Rather than apology, see it as a sympathetic observation.

[ his siblings aren't him, but -

This is difficult. How to explain a human what is like to be an angel, a human who was angry because Kaworu is so intrinsically different than him? ]

Takuto, you have to understand that the biggest difference between us and you, is that you hold the ability to grow, change, shape and re-shape yourself. [ "Fruit of Knowledge" but Kaworu won't get into technicalities] When you feel pain, you are capable of changing and growing in order not to feel such pain again or to be able to withstand it. That's how you are able to call yourselves individuals, because no matter how painful that may be, you can change in order to keep going. [ Loneliness. ]

But Angels do not have that ability. We don't change or grow, we cannot reshape ourselves if we are in pain. We would not be able to withstand the pain that individuality brings.

We can't. [ that's why they wish to join Adam, once again, after all. It's not because they want the death of Lilin, that's just a consequence. ] You "live" and we "exist".

That's why we are what we are. That's why it's alright, to live or to die, it doesn't matter to us. [ because they don't care about themselves individually in first place ] And while my siblings aren't me and while we hold different bodies [ and do have different personalities ] we all live for the whole and as a whole. Because it's too painful not to.

[This is... enlightening. But still confusing.]

So... you will never change. And you're not an--[He interrupts himself here, because this just doesn't make enough sense.]--I get the feeling we have different definitions of individuality. To me, you are unique in all the world, so you're an individual. You're not like anyone else. And I would be sad--I was sad--if you weren't around. [And, you know, he knew you were dead at Shinji's hands. He shakes his head.]

Besides, even if you say you can't change or grow--growing isn't done just to avoid pain. People grow wiser or sadder or happier or more fearful, and I think it's possible to grow without knowing it, too.

[ ~~it's Neon Genesis "Confusing" Evangelion. It's ok to find it confusing.~~ ]

[ kaworu opened his mouth to tell him Takuto doesn't have to give any importance to Kaworu. Because he doesn't matter and that's why Shinji shouldn't be so heartbroken about the angel dying either. But he knows Shinji was and he knows even if he tells them "it's not necessary", it's not something they will see differently.

But to give kaworu importance, when he doesn't care about himself in first place - isn't it... well, wasteful? And if they give kaworu importance, doesn't that make Kaworu important too? Even if it's just that bound they have.

It's... complicated. Kaworu doesn't pay enough attention to himself to take his time to think about this, but-

His mouth closes, allowing the other to finish. ]

Is that what you think I do? Grow without knowing?

[He sighs heavily, giving Kaworu a long look. His voice is quiet.]

Why else would the fact that you can't remember being here before mean so much?

Mean so much to whom? [ it doesn't really mean anything to Kaworu. ] Isn't that just what you want to believe? [ rather than being what it really is.

He doesn't mean to sound harsh, but Kaworu doesn't think changing is that easy, to him. Accepting it is even harder because he is an angel. ]

To me. [A pause.] And of course others. [Shinji, Yako, everyone else in drama club, and that Mello person, and probably even more.]

But it's not just something I want to believe, I think. You're more human now than you used to be, aren't you? [He saw you at the breakfast table, you know.] And... [He trails off, searching for the right phrase or example.]

You're learning a lot here, right? Isn't learning a way to grow?

I'm learning what this body can do and its limits. [ he always knew the limits of his body, before, but not what it could do. ] It won't be changing what I am and how I see things.

[ but this won't go far. Takuto will say something else that he believes Kaworu is and can do, and Kaworu will answer that "no, he can't".

In the end- ]

It's fine if you wish to believe that. [ but he can't be what Takuto wants him to be. ]

I guess... we'll just agree to disagree, then. [Which he is okay with, because at some point, one of them will be proven wrong and there really isn't a good way to prove Takuto's point wrong anyway. You can't prove someone doesn't have the potential to change, anyway.... ~~So yes, he is just going to believe what he wishes to believe.~~]

So... did you still want to go get that ID or something?

If it's still alright with you. Though, if it's too much problem, it's alright.

I understand the basis of the place, I'm just curious to see the environment.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

2/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject