soul_logs | [OPEN]

Entry tags:

[OPEN]

Characters: OPEN
Location: Outskirts of Nevada
Rating: PG
Time: All day, Feb 27
Description: Shibusen offers a field trip to acclimate the guests to the Madness wavelength.

It's a perfectly pleasant day for the most part, if one is to look at the sky and maybe the horizon. For the attendees of the fieldtrip, however, things are naturally a lot more grim, if also lot more colorful. There are understandably no civilians in the area -- or any other signs of life apart from the group.

As promised, the location is extensively arranged to cordon off various areas of the place where Madness spikes have been identified. They are all properly labeled, both with text and visuals, and discreet agents kept an eye on all corners of the large field. The mirror by which the guest will come in is set in a corner, with some food provided next to it.

People are free to come and go, though the other end leads to the clinic instead of the Death Room. The rules are simple: venture into a level you think you can handle, and if you can't, someone will help.

In the afternoon, a light rain will come to add some variety to the endless desert. Make sure to take shelter in the open tents provided to protect you from the elements!

[ooc: Just put in open tags in the comments, [Character Name | Open/Close | Area/sort of madness targeted/whatever marker you want].

Plotting and information post was here.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He could feel Cloud not far behind him. The blonde was a constant presence whenever he had faced the Madness Wavelength in the past. It was Cloud's safety that he had at the front of his mind, and he knew that one day that his inability to control himself would ultimately end up hurting his Meister. The last Witch attack on the city had been enough proof of that, and he no longer wanted to be the anchor holding the blonde back from protecting those he cared about.

His brows pinched together at that thought, but he pushed it away before finally taking the step and moving into the lowest level of Madness. Sephiroth could already feel the press of the wavelength against his mind, but it wasn't yet strong enough to cause him to lose himself to the darkness within.

It wasn't enough, and he needed stronger levels in order to test himself.

He followed Sephiroth into the madness, though he wasn't actually aware of it. He could tell though through their link that it had happened, and his blue eyes moved to regard his Weapon to see how Sephiroth was handling it. Given that he was never subjected to it, he couldn't entirely understand how it manifested. He had seen enough people rage or otherwise go bizarre.

Stepping away, he wandered a short distance to give Sephiroth space, not wanting to crowd or pressure his Weapon. He was here for support only, to give Sephiroth the option to coming to him if aid was required. Of course, he wasn't below distracting his Weapon either.

"I told someone about your hair, by the way."

Sephiroth had begun to move deeper into the Madness after that thought had finished. He needed to push himself in order to see where his limits were, and he couldn't do that by lingering around in levels that would only distract him. The ex-General could feel his Meister following him. There was distance between them, but despite the distance he was still constantly aware of Cloud's presence at the back of his mind.

It was that presence that seemed to combat with the voices whispering to him, and he frowned lightly when it appeared that he couldn't even do this without some form of aid from Cloud. Was he destined to be nothing but a weight to the younger male? The thought didn't sit well with him, and he had to quickly catch himself from following his spiralling thoughts or else he'd become lost within them.

Cloud's words broke through his wayward thoughts, and he felt himself pause as he glanced over towards the Meister. A slender brow rose up in question as he regarded the other male. "Pardon?" Perhaps he had heard incorrectly.

Cloud watched Sephiroth as the silver-haired man headed deeper, looking for the signs that indicated that they were in mid-range madness. They were probably just approaching those areas, but he was intent on watching his partner's reactions to the madness. He suspected that Sephiroth was going to push it too far out of stubbornness.

He paused in walking when it seemed that he had successfully distracted his Weapon away from whatever odd thoughts the man was having. He kept himself from walking more, seeing if Sephiroth was indeed pushing it too far in too fast a time.

"I said that I told someone about your hair... well, more your hair products," he said.

Cloud's clarifications entirely drew his attention, and he turned to face his Meister. Eyes narrowing, the whispers at the back of his mind seemed to grow distant for the moment while he remained focused on this new turn of events. While he generally wouldn't have cared much either way, the low levels of Madness around him had already begun to adjust his judgement.

"I do not see why my hair, or hair products, would be an important topic to discuss with anyone," Sephiroth cautiously said. If Cloud had been discussing such things, then what else had the blonde been saying without his knowledge?

His words had apparently halted Sephiroth's progress forward in the madness, which was good since he wanted to keep things slow and steady. He wouldn't have Sephiroth pushing the limits just yet, not when he knew his Weapon needed to take things down a few pegs.

"But your hair is so pretty and the products you use should be shared around, right," he murmured and began to slowly approach his Weapon. "It's always so shiny and silky. You don't even brush it a lot, so I thought it had to be that conditioner you use. The other guy was really interested."

He wasn't certain whether he was happy where this conversation was leading to. The fact that Cloud was informing others about near-intimate information settled less well with him than it usually would, and he couldn't bring himself to shrug off that fact either. No, the voices whispering at the back of his mind spoke of another betrayal of his trust, but he forced himself not to listen while he watched the younger male's slow approach.

"Is that so?" Sephiroth asked as he flexed his fingers. No, this was Cloud he was in front of and not an enemy. His partner wouldn't be admitting such things to him unless there was a reason, but he couldn't focus enough to figure out what that reason was.

Cloud kept his movements slow as he closed the distance between them because the emotion that came from his partner was not productive. Sephiroth was defensive and irritated, and he wanted to settle things down, especially when he noted the flexing hand.

He kept his expression soft and playful as he stepped closer, nodding his head at the question. "Yeah, your hair always makes me wonder how you do it. It's always soft, and I do like brushing my fingers through it." Slowly, he reached out to slip his fingers around Sephiroth's, passing his ability to his partner. "You alright?"

If he had been in full control of his mind, Sephiroth might have noticed just what Cloud was doing. As it was, he was far too distracted by the feelings storming around within to take proper notice. So he simply kept his attention fixated on the blonde to see if what he felt within would come true. Would Cloud betray him just like all the others?

"I do hope that such sensitive information was also not given," Sephiroth said with a subtle edge to his tone. He was already becoming too affected by the Madness in the area, and he moved to flinch away from the sudden touch to his fingers as Cloud reached out to take hold of him.

Growling at the back of his throat, the sound began to die away as the voices in his mind once again fell silent. There were lingering traces of those feelings within him, but they were soon overcome with sensations of failure. He hadn't even realised that his mind had begun to seep into the Madness until he felt the clarity beginning to surround it. His hard expression disappeared, but then so did his attention on Cloud as he glanced away.

How could he look at his Meister when he couldn't even handle low levels of Madness without causing concern? "I'm fine," he muttered instead though before turning in an attempt to leave the area. What had the point of all of this had been?

Cloud's fingers slipped around Sephiroth's, and he couldn't help but stare up into his Weapon's face to watch the full effect of his ability come into play. He knew it had worked because the irritation and displeasure faded away, only to be replaced by feelings of failure.

He stepped up closer, trying to catch Sephiroth's eye but the ex-General was steadily avoiding his gaze. It was clear that his Weapon viewed the entire thing as a complete failure, but he personally didn't see it that way. Sephiroth had not readily given into madness and that was an accomplishment in his mind. There was resistance.

His fingers curled tighter between Sephiroth's, and he remained holding fast even with the ex-General turned. "Don't," he murmured softly. "Don't underestimate yourself. You remained clear for as long as you were focused." He reached out to get his free arm around Sephiroth's waist. "Even little successes are still success. Don't beat yourself up too much, okay?"

He could feel Cloud's presence getting closer as the blonde stepped in along with the attempt to catch his gaze. Sephiroth didn't allow for it to happen though, and he purposefully kept himself from sighting those blue eyes. How could he when he couldn't even properly handle the lowest forms of madness without getting distracted?

The tightening of Cloud's fingers were felt, and he discovered that he was trapped from trying to leave the area. His attempt to lightly tug his arm free was proof enough of that along with the soft words that followed. Sephiroth didn't say anything as Cloud spoke, and he kept his gaze away even as an arm reached out to wrap around his waist. He didn't attempt to pull away, and instead remained where he stood as the blonde finished off his speech.

"It's not enough," he finally muttered in return. It would never be enough in his opinion.

He had a good hold on Sephiroth by the end of it, and he wasn't ashamed of keeping a grip on his Weapon. He knew how important being self-sufficient was becoming for Sephiroth, but he thought that the ex-General was pushing it too far and too fast. These things took time and practice.

"It is enough," he murmured softly. "If you push yourself too far and too fast, you're not going to be able to build your immunity up." He rested his cheek against Sephiroth's shoulder, unwilling to release his hold for the time being. "I'm here only to help, nothing more. Don't take my intervention as failure. We're a team even here."

It appeared as though Cloud wasn't letting him go any time soon. He shouldn't have been surprised, but he loathed allowing his feelings of failure and disappointment to be felt by another especially when there was no chance in hiding them. It would never be enough for him, and he wanted so desperately to stop being an anchor for the blonde as he had grown to become. The only way he could do that was if he continued to push himself, and he couldn't do that by retreating at the first signs of difficulties.

He partially glanced back when he felt the press of Cloud's cheek against his armoured shoulder. Subtly regarding the mop of blonde, the ex-General was silent for a long while. "I will not be your anchor," Sephiroth simply said.

When it seemed that Sephiroth wasn't going to fight him, he eased his grip to just be relaxed instead. He leaned against the silver-haired man's back, his fingers twining with the ex-General's so that it was less restraint and more them holding hands.

He had his suspicions as to Sephiroth's insistence on doing this and even more so on pushing himself further. "Well, I do need to be grounded sometimes so I don't lose my head and rush off to do stupid things. You're good at that, and I appreciate it. However, I'm perfectly willing to be your anchor."

The grip around him began to relax, and it gave him the impression that the blonde was no longer attempting to hold him there. Where would he go anyway when the same problems would be there to greet him. He could face his failure in solitude and attempt to brave the Madness again, or know that he would simply fail in his attempt and stay here and remain just a fraction less of a failure within Cloud's mind.

He didn't tighten the grip around his fingers, but remained loosely holding them as Cloud pressed against his back. Cloud had to be aware of the true reason behind his need to do this, but he was pleased that it hadn't been brought up here. Perhaps it would just be his fate to need an injury to ward off any future descents into Madness in order to give his Meister the freedom he so deserved.

"It is the moments between them sometimes I wish to become stronger for," Sephiroth quietly admitted before turning his gaze away from Cloud. It wouldn't do well for the blonde to properly see his face. "You have been my anchor for longer than you even realise."

As if sensing some of Sephiroth's thoughts, he momentarily tightened his grip around the silver-haired man's waist. He was not about to give up on his partner, and they had been through too much already together. Hell, Sephiroth had been forced to push him through his feelings of inadequacy that had lead to him consuming a Kishin Egg and almost dying.

This need to prove that the ex-General was self-sufficient was entirely unnecessary in his mind. Yet, he too saw the benefit of Sephiroth being able to fight against the madness without his presence all the time, which was why he had agreed to this. He was here to support, not to belittle.

"You will be, but it will take time," he murmured reassuringly. "I know this is important to you, but you can't expect to perfect it right away." He rose on his toes so that he could hook his chin on Sephiroth's shoulder. "Perhaps, and I'll still be it for you."

There was some part of him that believed Cloud didn't truly understand the full scope of the situation. Yet another part of him didn't want the blonde to realise it either. He was already toeing the fine edge between a danger in their partnership, that he didn't want to step too far over to one side in order to achieve his goals. That was why he had kept silent about his desires for this trip along with a small handful of other things.

His lips quirked up almost bitterly at the mention that he shouldn't expect to be perfect right away. Given what he had been created for, Hojo would have rolled over in his grave if he had been able to hear of such things. Sephiroth didn't say anything in return though, and allowed that aspect of the conversation to drop as Cloud hooked his chin over his shoulder.

"Don't you tire of it?" Sephiroth asked. Whether he was talking about Cloud or himself being the anchor, he didn't make clear.

The situation was not the best for Sephiroth, and he had picked up tidbits of information when they resonated. The most unfortunate (or fortunate for him) aspect of them resonating so well and so long was that there were few secrets that either of them could hide. This growing need of Sephiroth's to be independent hadn't gone beyond his notice, but he knew better than to bring it up.

Remaining as he was, he watched the silver-haired man's expression based on his partner's profile. That was how he caught the quirk of lips and hissed softly into his partner's ear. "He's not here to control your progress on things. You're with me, and I'll keep you safe and support you."

Thinking for a moment of the question asked, Cloud hummed softly at the back of his throat. "No, it gives me something useful and enjoyable to do. And no, having you anchor me keeps me from doing more stupid things."

The hiss did little to remove that expression from his face, and it didn't go beyond his notice that Cloud had successfully managed to read his thoughts. Their partnership and relationship had progressed that far that it was rare for them not to know what the other was thinking, and in the few instances either of them didn't, it was more because they simply didn't want to know.

"It isn't just that," Sephiroth muttered quietly. He had grown up always been better at things than anyone else, and yet this was something that was continually eluding him. Much like his continued failed attempts to destroy the world, this aspect as well appeared to slip through his fingers. It was something he couldn't accept within himself because of that.

He fell quiet once again when Cloud hummed softly before speaking those words. Glancing down to the ground, he remained still within his Meister's embrace. "But it keeps you from other important aspects," he muttered in return.

"It's that this is the first thing that you've tried to do that you're not instantly good at," he murmured softly, his thumb rubbing against Sephiroth's hand affectionately. He leaned a little more on his Weapon, hoping to offer what comfort that he could. "Just think about it like this: when you do get good at it, and yes, you will, it will be all the more worth it. You worked hard and were rewarded."

He tightened his grip around Sephiroth's waist again, just momentarily and simply closed his eyes to feel rather than see those pained expressions on his partner's face. "I get around, so don't you worry. Battle is where you and I shine anyway."

Sephiroth didn't want to admit it out loud, but there honestly wasn't a need to either. Everything had been a challenge since arriving in this world, even if his weakness against the Madness hadn't been the first thing he hadn't been instantly good at. Granted, he wasn't in the mood for speaking of the first either, and so he allowed that thought to slide to the back of his mind while he considered Cloud's words.

It helped that the soothing gesture from his Meister calmed his thoughts, even if there was still that lingering feeling of failure hanging within his thoughts. The added weight against his back was welcomed, and once his mind and worked through those thoughts, he softly muttered, "I want to be able for you not to have to constantly feel concerned."

The tightening of Cloud's grip around him didn't go unnoticed, and it drew his gaze quietly back over to sight the closed expression on his partner's face. "The battlefield is where I belong, but I will not risk your life." Or happiness.

The silence was rather telling, but for the mood that his Weapon was in, he decided not to pursue the subject any longer. It had to be quite a blow not being good at everything, not being revered as someone who was at the peek of every new innovation. He was used to being the underdog in almost everything, so such thoughts had lost their edge against him to a degree.

"I know you can handle yourself just fine in battle," he murmured soothingly. He traced the ex-General's sharp features with his eyes before sighing. "We're a team, and while I like the thought of us working well apart, I see no problem with us working together even in madness."

He could feel Sephiroth's gaze on him and slowly opened his eyes to regard the silver-haired man again. "Being in a war places my life at risk anyway. I'd rather be doing something than hiding away."

He could see what Cloud was trying to accomplish, and in some ways he appreciated it. Their ability to work together was the furthest concern from his mind, but it seemed that despite how close they were, that the blonde didn't comprehend the situation or didn't want to.

What could he say though? He didn't wish for his Meister to feel conflicted as he once did during Kadaj's attack. Although he had learnt from that experience one method to maintain his sanity... perhaps that was the only way it could ever be conquered?

"Then I suppose that there is little reason to continue this charade," Sephiroth murmured in the moments leading up to Cloud's gaze fixating itself back on him. "You are a fighter, a warrior, and it is never our place to stand idly by."

It seemed that his attempt to make his partner feel better and not be so hard on himself wasn't working. He supposed that Sephiroth would be better without interruption so that the ex-General could deal with the madness with only him in the area. Perhaps that's what he would have wanted if their roles were reversed.

Of course, he knew why Sephiroth was so determined to reduce the effect of the madness wavelength. It was better not to speak of such things.

Slowly, he withdrew his arm from around Sephiroth's waist, drawing his chin back to hide his frown as he gave his partner some room. "It's what you want to do, so I think you should continue. I won't interrupt again unless it goes badly," he murmured though kept his grip on Sephiroth's fingers. "Shall I let go now? You're ready?"

There was a feeling of loss within when Cloud began to withdraw contact from him. It was always that feeling of finality that throbbed dully within his chest, but this time it was more out of feeling like a disappointment. He had never felt that way before, and especially not towards the actions he attempted. Perhaps it was simply because he could not gain control over his weaknesses here.

"No," Sephiroth murmured as he kept the hold on Cloud's fingers. He needed more time to consider the options he had, and if he wasn't prepared for another bout of Madness the next time it hit, then he would simply injure himself to prevent the descent. "I believe that I need to re-evaluate my standings first."

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