soul_logs | [OPEN]

Entry tags:

[OPEN]

Characters: OPEN
Location: Outskirts of Nevada
Rating: PG
Time: All day, Feb 27
Description: Shibusen offers a field trip to acclimate the guests to the Madness wavelength.

It's a perfectly pleasant day for the most part, if one is to look at the sky and maybe the horizon. For the attendees of the fieldtrip, however, things are naturally a lot more grim, if also lot more colorful. There are understandably no civilians in the area -- or any other signs of life apart from the group.

As promised, the location is extensively arranged to cordon off various areas of the place where Madness spikes have been identified. They are all properly labeled, both with text and visuals, and discreet agents kept an eye on all corners of the large field. The mirror by which the guest will come in is set in a corner, with some food provided next to it.

People are free to come and go, though the other end leads to the clinic instead of the Death Room. The rules are simple: venture into a level you think you can handle, and if you can't, someone will help.

In the afternoon, a light rain will come to add some variety to the endless desert. Make sure to take shelter in the open tents provided to protect you from the elements!

[ooc: Just put in open tags in the comments, [Character Name | Open/Close | Area/sort of madness targeted/whatever marker you want].

Plotting and information post was here.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The grip around him began to relax, and it gave him the impression that the blonde was no longer attempting to hold him there. Where would he go anyway when the same problems would be there to greet him. He could face his failure in solitude and attempt to brave the Madness again, or know that he would simply fail in his attempt and stay here and remain just a fraction less of a failure within Cloud's mind.

He didn't tighten the grip around his fingers, but remained loosely holding them as Cloud pressed against his back. Cloud had to be aware of the true reason behind his need to do this, but he was pleased that it hadn't been brought up here. Perhaps it would just be his fate to need an injury to ward off any future descents into Madness in order to give his Meister the freedom he so deserved.

"It is the moments between them sometimes I wish to become stronger for," Sephiroth quietly admitted before turning his gaze away from Cloud. It wouldn't do well for the blonde to properly see his face. "You have been my anchor for longer than you even realise."

As if sensing some of Sephiroth's thoughts, he momentarily tightened his grip around the silver-haired man's waist. He was not about to give up on his partner, and they had been through too much already together. Hell, Sephiroth had been forced to push him through his feelings of inadequacy that had lead to him consuming a Kishin Egg and almost dying.

This need to prove that the ex-General was self-sufficient was entirely unnecessary in his mind. Yet, he too saw the benefit of Sephiroth being able to fight against the madness without his presence all the time, which was why he had agreed to this. He was here to support, not to belittle.

"You will be, but it will take time," he murmured reassuringly. "I know this is important to you, but you can't expect to perfect it right away." He rose on his toes so that he could hook his chin on Sephiroth's shoulder. "Perhaps, and I'll still be it for you."

There was some part of him that believed Cloud didn't truly understand the full scope of the situation. Yet another part of him didn't want the blonde to realise it either. He was already toeing the fine edge between a danger in their partnership, that he didn't want to step too far over to one side in order to achieve his goals. That was why he had kept silent about his desires for this trip along with a small handful of other things.

His lips quirked up almost bitterly at the mention that he shouldn't expect to be perfect right away. Given what he had been created for, Hojo would have rolled over in his grave if he had been able to hear of such things. Sephiroth didn't say anything in return though, and allowed that aspect of the conversation to drop as Cloud hooked his chin over his shoulder.

"Don't you tire of it?" Sephiroth asked. Whether he was talking about Cloud or himself being the anchor, he didn't make clear.

The situation was not the best for Sephiroth, and he had picked up tidbits of information when they resonated. The most unfortunate (or fortunate for him) aspect of them resonating so well and so long was that there were few secrets that either of them could hide. This growing need of Sephiroth's to be independent hadn't gone beyond his notice, but he knew better than to bring it up.

Remaining as he was, he watched the silver-haired man's expression based on his partner's profile. That was how he caught the quirk of lips and hissed softly into his partner's ear. "He's not here to control your progress on things. You're with me, and I'll keep you safe and support you."

Thinking for a moment of the question asked, Cloud hummed softly at the back of his throat. "No, it gives me something useful and enjoyable to do. And no, having you anchor me keeps me from doing more stupid things."

The hiss did little to remove that expression from his face, and it didn't go beyond his notice that Cloud had successfully managed to read his thoughts. Their partnership and relationship had progressed that far that it was rare for them not to know what the other was thinking, and in the few instances either of them didn't, it was more because they simply didn't want to know.

"It isn't just that," Sephiroth muttered quietly. He had grown up always been better at things than anyone else, and yet this was something that was continually eluding him. Much like his continued failed attempts to destroy the world, this aspect as well appeared to slip through his fingers. It was something he couldn't accept within himself because of that.

He fell quiet once again when Cloud hummed softly before speaking those words. Glancing down to the ground, he remained still within his Meister's embrace. "But it keeps you from other important aspects," he muttered in return.

"It's that this is the first thing that you've tried to do that you're not instantly good at," he murmured softly, his thumb rubbing against Sephiroth's hand affectionately. He leaned a little more on his Weapon, hoping to offer what comfort that he could. "Just think about it like this: when you do get good at it, and yes, you will, it will be all the more worth it. You worked hard and were rewarded."

He tightened his grip around Sephiroth's waist again, just momentarily and simply closed his eyes to feel rather than see those pained expressions on his partner's face. "I get around, so don't you worry. Battle is where you and I shine anyway."

Sephiroth didn't want to admit it out loud, but there honestly wasn't a need to either. Everything had been a challenge since arriving in this world, even if his weakness against the Madness hadn't been the first thing he hadn't been instantly good at. Granted, he wasn't in the mood for speaking of the first either, and so he allowed that thought to slide to the back of his mind while he considered Cloud's words.

It helped that the soothing gesture from his Meister calmed his thoughts, even if there was still that lingering feeling of failure hanging within his thoughts. The added weight against his back was welcomed, and once his mind and worked through those thoughts, he softly muttered, "I want to be able for you not to have to constantly feel concerned."

The tightening of Cloud's grip around him didn't go unnoticed, and it drew his gaze quietly back over to sight the closed expression on his partner's face. "The battlefield is where I belong, but I will not risk your life." Or happiness.

The silence was rather telling, but for the mood that his Weapon was in, he decided not to pursue the subject any longer. It had to be quite a blow not being good at everything, not being revered as someone who was at the peek of every new innovation. He was used to being the underdog in almost everything, so such thoughts had lost their edge against him to a degree.

"I know you can handle yourself just fine in battle," he murmured soothingly. He traced the ex-General's sharp features with his eyes before sighing. "We're a team, and while I like the thought of us working well apart, I see no problem with us working together even in madness."

He could feel Sephiroth's gaze on him and slowly opened his eyes to regard the silver-haired man again. "Being in a war places my life at risk anyway. I'd rather be doing something than hiding away."

He could see what Cloud was trying to accomplish, and in some ways he appreciated it. Their ability to work together was the furthest concern from his mind, but it seemed that despite how close they were, that the blonde didn't comprehend the situation or didn't want to.

What could he say though? He didn't wish for his Meister to feel conflicted as he once did during Kadaj's attack. Although he had learnt from that experience one method to maintain his sanity... perhaps that was the only way it could ever be conquered?

"Then I suppose that there is little reason to continue this charade," Sephiroth murmured in the moments leading up to Cloud's gaze fixating itself back on him. "You are a fighter, a warrior, and it is never our place to stand idly by."

It seemed that his attempt to make his partner feel better and not be so hard on himself wasn't working. He supposed that Sephiroth would be better without interruption so that the ex-General could deal with the madness with only him in the area. Perhaps that's what he would have wanted if their roles were reversed.

Of course, he knew why Sephiroth was so determined to reduce the effect of the madness wavelength. It was better not to speak of such things.

Slowly, he withdrew his arm from around Sephiroth's waist, drawing his chin back to hide his frown as he gave his partner some room. "It's what you want to do, so I think you should continue. I won't interrupt again unless it goes badly," he murmured though kept his grip on Sephiroth's fingers. "Shall I let go now? You're ready?"

There was a feeling of loss within when Cloud began to withdraw contact from him. It was always that feeling of finality that throbbed dully within his chest, but this time it was more out of feeling like a disappointment. He had never felt that way before, and especially not towards the actions he attempted. Perhaps it was simply because he could not gain control over his weaknesses here.

"No," Sephiroth murmured as he kept the hold on Cloud's fingers. He needed more time to consider the options he had, and if he wasn't prepared for another bout of Madness the next time it hit, then he would simply injure himself to prevent the descent. "I believe that I need to re-evaluate my standings first."

He supposed that he could go back to wandering the various madness sections of the city. People were rather interesting in them, but he was hesitant to leave Sephiroth in such a mood as well. He suspected that the ex-General was more ill-prepared for the madness than before he had grasped hold of his partner. Perhaps Sephiroth felt the need to go at it alone.

His blue eyes flicked down to where Sephiroth's grip remained on him, but he kept his grip loose in return in case the ex-General had a change of heart on the matter. "You mean you need to regain your mental focus?"

That was one way of putting it. He would need to re-evaluate how to tackle the problem he had against the Madness, but if he was being true to himself, the ex-General was uncertain to if he could ever successfully overcome his mental instability. He could blame the events of Nibelheim all that he wanted, but if he wanted the truth, all he needed to do was to look towards the man who had sired him. That should have been more than enough evidence in regards to his future, and what would possibly become of him.

He didn't let go of Cloud's hand, and he wasn't giving any indication of releasing it either. The question had left him silent for some time before he finally managed to murmur, "There is much I need to regain or understand."

He supposed that he had unfairly wandered after the silver-haired man, thinking that Sephiroth was going to turn into that sadistic aspect that often showed up in madness. From the signs, this was the lowest level, which meant that he should have more trust in what his partner could stand. It wasn't as if the ex-General had strated off in the high range area after all. He felt bad for interfering.

His eyes once again strayed to their entwined fingers when it became clear that Sephiroth was probably not going to let them go. "I haven't ruined your attempt completely, have I?"

Sephiroth didn't need to see Cloud in order to know what his Meister was thinking. he could feel the emotion through their bond, and because of it, the ex-General tightened the grip he had on his partner's fingers.

"You could never ruin anything," he softly murmured. His words were entirely honest as he spoke, and at the same time, he pulled on Cloud's hands so as to draw the younger male back up against him. "Everything we have... it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I do not wish for you to believe anything otherwise."

He took the squeeze to his fingers as a sign that Sephiroth wasn't upset with him at all. He supposed that the inability to defend against the madness would be a scary sensation, but other people seemed to just give over from what he had seen. At least Sephiroth was trying to fight it.

He sighed in relief and closed his eyes, and he allowed himself to be drawn in again to the ex-General's back. He rested there, his fingers returning an affectionate squeeze. "Are you sure that you'd actually describe it as the 'best' thing to happen? There must be other times that measure up."

There was a comfort felt within as Cloud pressed against his back. He had never allowed anyone this close to him, but with Cloud it was always different. In a lot of ways, he couldn't imagine it being any different and it was something that he never wanted to change.

His lips quirked up lightly at the returned squeeze, and he huffed contently. Leaning his head back so that his cheek came to press against Cloud's, Sephiroth closed his eyes as he murmured, "Are you suggesting that I am incorrect with my statement?"

It took him a moment for him to settle in, but soon enough he was slipped his cast arm around Sephiroth's waist again. He rested there against his partner's back, feeling some of the heat from Sephiroth's body into his own. It was warm out already, but this was nice.

He peered over the ex-General's shoulder at the huff, and he rose on his toes so that his own cheek could press back. "Well, I can't imagine that I'm the best thing to happen to you, that's all. I'm pretty epic, but you're going to make me blush by saying such things."

He felt the cast wrap around him, but the sensation only seemed to further fuel his feelings for the blonde. Sephiroth never wanted to lose what he had now that he was finally happy, and he had come far too close to it already. He would protect Cloud in any way possible, even if it put his mental state at risk. It was a risk that was worth paying in his mind.

"It is the way that I see it," Sephiroth murmured before raising his head again. Instead of staying where he was though, the ex-General released his hold on Cloud's hand before turning around within the hold. He moved to slip his arms back around the blonde while peering down at him. "I don't think that I've ever seen you blush."

The sensations that flowed from Sephiroth to him through their link, and he could tell that the ex-General was content, happy even. That feeling had been flowing from the silver-haired man had been happening more and more lately, and he knew without words that Sephiroth was happy with him.

"Well, you know how you feel best," he murmured in reply and allowed the ex-General to turn in his grip. He stepped up and leaned against the silver-haired man's chest, tightening his grip. "Yeah well... it doesn't happen often, so don't hold your breath because you'll probably die."

Sephiroth doubted that the blonde would ever do such a thing. It was just something that seemed impossible, at least when it came from anything on his end anyway. That was fine with him though as he wasn't about to make it his goal to receive such a reaction out of the younger male.

Holding Cloud up against him, his chin came to rest on top of those blonde spikes. "No, I would then have to miss out on ever seeing such an opportunity if I did," he muttered with a light chuckle in his tone.

He didn't think that he had actually blushed since he was a child, but he might have managed in in military school for one of those horribly embarrassing moments. While he wouldn't mind blushing for Sephiroth, the opportunity usually turned playful before it got too embarrassing. Then he was usually reddening in the face for other reasons.

"Best you not do that. Jenova would be very sad if you expired before feeding her," he replied playfully, nudging Sephiroth backwards affectionately. "She's probably waiting to pine at you right now."

He shouldn't have been surprised when Cloud mocked him in regards to that cat. The ex-General still refused to admit any form of fondness over the feline, even if they were both aware of it being otherwise.

"You make it sound as though she favours me over you," Sephiroth murmured lightly. His fingers ran up along the length of his back as he fondly caressed his partner. "I would say that her interest lies in the same direction that my own does."

Someday, Cloud would force words of affectionate for their feline housemate at some point. He kept trying to spring it on the silver-haired man without success, but he knew the truth. He just wanted Sephiroth to admit it; it was turning into a personal challenge on his part.

"Well, you are her favourite sleeping spot, and I think she paws at your chest more than anyone." He shivered as Sephiroth's hands passed along his back, pleased before looking around the ex-General in the direction of the mirror. "Yeah, but you don't like competition of any sort. I'm yours, remember?"

He decided that it was best not to comment on Cloud's observation. Doing so would only implement in matters that he wanted to remain aloof over, even if it appeared to be Cloud's main focus in life these days. The thought secretively amused him and he found himself rather enjoying the little game between them.

The shiver was felt, however, and he smirked lightly in return. He always did enjoy those types of reactions out of his partner. "That's something that I would never forget," Sephiroth smoothly said in return. "She is just fortunate that she's a feline."

[OPEN]

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