[ EVENT: So long and thank you for all the fish ]

[soul_mods]

Characters: Everyone in Death City
Location: Death City
Rating: G
Time: October 8th and onwards
Description: It's time to say goodbye



A day after Medusa's defeat, Shibusen makes an announcement on the network: BREW is acting up again but instead of bringing new people in, it has created a portal.

It's in the Kishin Chamber, available to anyone who wants to go through it. Anyone who looks into it will see the place they came from, frozen in time. The moment you step through everything resumes and, maybe you'll forget or maybe you won't. Either way, there's no need to hurry right now. Shibusen assures all of you they will keep a sharp eye on BREW's energy readings and tell you the moment anything changes. For now, the portal is stable so take all the time you need to say goodbye and settle everything before you go.

Comments

[want_the_world]

[Mello looks back at his partner, mildly surprised by how obvious his worry is, and takes a step away from the portal. He's not going to mock Near's concern, or even try to tell him it's unwarranted; the static nothingness is that unsettling. Near can only imagine it, but Mello knows he's more than capable of forming a very clear mental picture of it.

Just like he has a very good idea of what his Weapon can see through that same portal. Does it seem cold and too sterile to Near, or is that only Mello's memory of the last time he saw Near's headquarters? So much has changed since then, their last meeting in the world they came from, that it all has a surreal, skewed quality when he thinks of it now. Near wouldn't even look at him--Mello remembers, in a distant, almost-amused way, how much that pissed him off.

There's a sense of hesitation in their resonance, as if Near is reluctant somehow, or even stalling, but Mello can't pinpoint what he's hesitating about, which must mean he's deliberately hiding it.]

Do you--

[He's not expecting his voice to come out so rough, and has to cut himself off, and try again.]

Do you need a longer look alone?

[cardfortress]

[Mello looks surprised, but Near feels no embarrassment over being so obviously worried; he has other priorities at the moment, such as making sure that his partner doesn’t get too close to a death trap. With Mello now at a safer distance, the Weapon feels some of his tension slip away, but only a little bit; he has enough on his mind right now to make him feel slightly tense, after all.

Indeed, his headquarters look cold and too sterile, almost clinical, a lot more than they did when he and Mello last met in their world. The more time that passed after he took on the role of the greatest detective alive, the colder everything around him became, as if Near was letting go of his humanity day after day. He recognizes that now, and he knows that it would have been impossible for him to realize such a thing back in their world: he hadn’t known warmth until he came to Death City, and how can you know you’re not really living when you’ve never felt alive in the first place?

His grip relaxes on Mello’s arm but he doesn’t let go, and he reaches up with his free hand to twirl a strand of hair. Now that his Meister took a step back, Near can finally focus on the portal and on what’s left for him on the other side of it: he no longer has any excuse for stalling, so he needs to get this over and done with, which is easier said than done.

He never thought it would be simple, but he didn't expect it to be this hard, either; he has already decided, so why should it take so long for him to walk away? But it's as if everything he's leaving behind is taunting him, reminding him that he was educated and raised for one single purpose, trying to convince him to stay--

Mello's voice brings him back to reality and he looks at his Meister, surprised at the roughness in those words. Why did he sound like that? Does he think-- No, surely that can’t be it; Near has already made it quite clear that he doesn’t want to go back, so Mello surely isn’t doubting that.

Is he?

For a long moment, Near can only stare at his partner, and he tries to imagine how he would have felt in his place. There would be nothing for him left in their world, but Mello would have everything he's ever wanted right there, and Near would want to ask him to stay, but no words would come out of his mouth because he'd be too proud to voice them, and oh.

That's what the static is about, isn't it?]

No, [he replies, his voice quiet. There's a hint of warmth in his eyes, but his expression remains neutral otherwise, and Near takes a final look at the portal before turning his attention to Mello, his hand moving lower, to curl loosely around Mello's wrist.]

Let's go home.

[want_the_world]

[Mello catches his Weapon's faint surprise at his tone, and the far more obvious surprise Near shows in his stare, and for a moment he's afraid Near sensed everything he was trying to hide after all. It wouldn't be shocking if he had. They know each other more than well enough by now to predict each other's thoughts and responses extremely accurately.

He knows that Near doesn't look into the portal for that long, seeing the world Mello will never see again, but it feels like an eternity. He doesn't want to move far enough away to break the contact, but he doesn't want to be hovering, either, and the moments Near spends in silence are some of the most awkward Mello has ever experienced.

It takes him a moment to fully understand the significance of the words when Near finally speaks. The warmth in the Weapon's eyes in subtle, yes, but it's as blatant as an actual smile to Mello, and the familiar, possessive way Near's hand curls around his wrist makes him feel warmer still. He's the one who can't keep a genuine grin from breaking out as the worry weighing on him vanishes. This really is their home, now; they don't have to dread BREW's capriciousness anymore.]

Yes. Let's.

[cardfortress]

[Near gets a faint sense of awkwardness that is definitely not his own, but everything that is happening right now distracts him from looking too deeply into that: Mello's relief feels like a weight being lifted from their resonance, letting them both breathe more freely, and the grin that follows is as genuine as it is fascinating.

He doesn't think that the novelty of seeing his partner smile like that will ever wear off. During unguarded or genuine moments such as this one, Near still feels as if he is being let in on a big secret no one else will ever know of, and a part of him still feels somewhat surprised that he is the one responsible for that, and that he can make someone else happy. Now that BREW has given them the option to stay, they can both experience whatever the hell this is between them (that isn't an accurate description, though, because by now they both know very well what name to put to this) without the constant, nagging worry that one or both of them will be sent back at any given moment.

Having observed the portal and what was behind it, Near starts to walk away, tugging his Meister along by his wrist, but then he stops. It's not that he doesn't know what to say right now, or even that he'll feel awkward, but he wants to get closer, and there is only one way of doing that without indulging in PDA (which he isn't even fond of, in the first place), so he leans in closer to his partner, lowers his voice just a little bit--]

Wield me, [--and gives Mello's wrist a squeeze before transforming, a tiny smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth before he turns into the Rubik's cube, knowing without a doubt that his partner will catch him before he falls.]

[want_the_world]

[Wield me. Near has used those words often enough over the course of their partnership that by now they practically send a shiver of heat through Mello. Their resonance has carried them through times when nothing else could, has been a way to feel a connection and intimacy even when neither of them could admit to wanting it--of course it sometimes sounds more like take me to bed when Near says it.

Mello catches the cube, and doesn't slip it into his pocket as he often does when they're going back to their flat. This time, he wants to hold on, not caring that their resonance will give away how profound his relief really is, or that it could easily show Near how close he came to making a plea. None of that matters anymore.]

I didn't doubt you. Not really. I've just. Never believed in happy endings.

[Not that this was easily won, or anything but a long time coming. It still feels almost too good to trust as real.]

[cardfortress]

[Near feels a flicker of heat through their resonance, and under different circumstances he might have asked is that all you think about? but he doesn’t, not now. Everything is more serious today than it usually is, and with good reason: Mello just stared at his own death while Near cemented his decision to stay, by turning his back on the door that would literally take him to their world.

Mello holds on to the Rubik’s cube instead of slipping it into his pocket like usual, and what he doesn’t hold back from their resonance would have made Near gasp if he were in his human body: the sheer warmth is almost overwhelming, tinged with a sense of desperation and relief that Near knows he would have felt if their situations had been reversed. Mello doesn’t care if any of that shows through, and his Weapon doesn’t mind it, either: he holds on to their resonance in return, as strongly as he would have done if they were on the battlefield.

His Meister finally voices his thoughts, and he can’t blame him for feeling that way. Near understands it all too well: like his Meister, he is also naturally suspicious of anything that seems too easy. The wary, constantly paranoid part of him can’t help wondering if BREW will act up again, if all that is happening right now is actually a ruse to give them a false sense of security, only to strike again when they least expect it, following its usual chaotic behavioral pattern. But another part of him, a part that did not exist before his arrival and personal growth in Death City, is daring to hope that maybe this time they’ll get what they’ve always wanted: to keep each other safe from BREW’s whims, and to stay right here, together.

He wishes he could twirl Mello’s hair right now, but that will have to wait until they get back home.]

Then don’t think of it as a happy ending, [he replies, and wonders if trying to comfort his Meister-- as much as someone as emotionally inept as him can be capable of doing such a thing, of course-- will ever stop feeling strange. Probably not; he doubts he’ll ever become good at it, either.] Perhaps you can think of it as a new beginning, or even as a second chance, instead.

[want_the_world]

[The feeling of Near holding onto their resonance reminds Mello of reaching out his hand and having it clasped tightly more than ever, as if the mental contact is a seal on the decision Near's made.

As he starts to walk back to their flat, he notes the other people coming to say their goodbyes or make their choices; they might as well not have existed before, when Mello was far too preoccupied with the possibilities facing him and Near. Now he doesn't just spare a thought for them, he takes note of the few familiar faces left, and hopes they're finding peace, and maybe even happiness, too.

It's strange just to realize Near's trying to reassure him, and stranger still that it works, when they both know it's all semantics. But Mello remembers how, not too long ago, the words he was afraid would sound like an empty platitude were just what his Weapon needed to hear. We're fine, we'll be fine. And they weren't empty, not from him then and not from Near now. Even when Mello still hated Near, the one thing he would always concede, albeit grudgingly, was that he never said anything unnecessary or meaningless.]

It'll take some getting used to.

[They were both set on a path that would irrevocably change their lives the moment each of them arrived in Death City, but this is sudden, this realization that the worry (fine, fear, he'll call it what it truly was) he's been living with for so long that it had seeped into his subconscious is gone now--everything changed again, in just a few moments. No more waking up from panicked dreams and having to make sure Near's still there. No more beating his brain against the dead end that was trying to make any sense of BREW in the hope he could figure out how to keep them both here before it was too late. It won't be too late, now, not ever.

Mello doesn't miss that Near would twirl his hair if he could; he huffs a quiet laugh when he picks up on the thought.]

Be patient, we're almost home.

Let's say new beginning. Second chance implies we fucked up, which of course we've never done.

[cardfortress]

[As they walk back home, Near catches Mello’s thoughts about the people they walk by, and he lets his mind wander for a moment. If BREW hadn’t brought Mello back and he had ended up with a different Meister instead, or if they had never become this close, he knows that his final decision would have been drastically different. Those possibilities are so distant from his reality that it feels downright weird to even think of them: after all, Mello became absolutely necessary to him, in more ways than one.

He can’t help feeling relieved when his attempt at reassuring his Meister works. Mello’s quite right-- they both know it’s a matter of semantics-- but after everything that happened in Death City, and after how much they’ve learned about each other, they can both do what once would have been impossible or even unthinkable: to reassure or comfort each other, in a way that no one else will ever be able to.]

It will, [he agrees, already feeling as if something shifted out of place; not unpleasant, just different. It’s going to be difficult to get used to not worrying about BREW: he’s felt that way for so long that the fear has become a part of him, almost like their resonance did.

Mello teases him about his lack of patience, and if Near were in his human body, he’d be pouting. As it is, he makes sure that Mello can pick up on his entirely justified indignation-- he, impatient? How preposterous!-- but doesn’t reply otherwise. He is patient, thank you very much; it’s just that it’s hard not to want to reach out and touch after having decided on something so final and life changing.]

Of course not. That is not in our vocabulary.

[As soon as Mello locks the door behind them, Near turns back into his human body and closes the distance between them, his hands curling tight on his partner’s shirt. He lets his head fall onto Mello’s shoulder and just stays there, taking everything in-- his scent, the warmth of their resonance, being home-- and if he ends up giving Mello’s neck a slight nuzzle, well, it’s not as accidental as he’d like to believe.

So much for silently insisting that he’s a patient person: he’s been wanting to do this since Mello asked him if he needed more time alone by the portal, and although he doesn’t mind just how clearly his feelings are showing through their resonance, he can’t help feeling slightly embarrassed about it. He may have just sealed his decision to stay in Death City with his partner, but that doesn’t mean he’s gotten used to being affectionate, of all things, or that he’s gotten used to showing his feelings very clearly, either.]

[want_the_world]

[Mello gives a quiet 'heh' over Near's entirely predictable offense at being accused of impatience. He could point out that several of his qualities have quite obviously rubbed off on the Weapon, but he won't.

He has also wondered what might have happened if he and Near hadn't become partners, if Near hadn't been able to make the leap of faith and get closer--Mello has no illusions that it was Near's decision that made everything they've become possible. If he'd chosen differently, Mello doubts he would have been able to remain partners, not after taking such a risk and being rejected. His pride, if nothing else, would have made him leave. He can imagine it all too clearly; finding another partner, resigning himself to good-enough resonance and trying to pretend he doesn't know how much better it can be.

The thought's enough that when Near transforms the second the door closes behind them, it doesn't even occur to Mello to tease him about it; he wraps his arms around his Weapon and holds on just as tightly. He feels everything Near's feeling through their resonance, a rush of warmth carrying affection and peace. Once, Mello would've scoffed at the very idea of him--him--wanting such things. Now, he doesn't care if it means he's getting soft in his old age. He's just grateful they made it here.]

If you'd taken much longer to decide, I might've asked you to stay after all. I swore I wouldn't.

[cardfortress]

[His Meister really doesn’t have to point that out: Near knows it very well, just like he knows that, in turn, some of his qualities have rubbed off on Mello. It’s a two way street, and they have both influenced each other equally, but even though he is slightly less patient than he used to be, he can’t say it’s a bad thing.

Near catches Mello’s thoughts as they wander off like his own did, and although he isn’t surprised by any of it, he can’t help feeling possessive at the thought that Mello could have become someone else’s partner. Contrary to what happened in the early stages of their partnership, there is no reason to hide his jealousy and possessiveness now, so he doesn’t; they belong to each other, and they both know it.

(The ring on his finger feels a little heavier and a little warmer, as if the train of thought his mind has been on has made him more aware of it against his skin.)

He leans more heavily against his partner when Mello holds him tight, but when he speaks through their resonance, those words surprise him enough that Near pulls back a little bit, just enough so he can look at his Meister. He knows how much it would have cost Mello’s pride to say those words, and he’s surprised that he’s admitting such a thing at all; there’s a hint of curiosity in Near’s eyes, but there’s understanding, too, because he can imagine all too well how that must have felt like for him.

He lets go of Mello’s shirt so he can reach up to tangle both hands in blonde hair, and he gives one of the strands a little twirl.]

I made my decision long before BREW offered us a return ticket, and it never wavered while we were in the kishin chamber, [he says. Mello told him he didn’t doubt him, and Near wouldn’t have confessed to him that he didn’t want to go back if his decision hadn’t been set in stone (that memory feels distant, somewhat, even though it didn’t happen that long ago; maybe today is just screwing with his perception of things), but he still feels the need to voice these thoughts out loud, as if to reassert his decision.

(Not that there’s any logical need to make it even clearer: giving up the life he used to have-- the life he was groomed for since he was a small child, and the only way of living that he’d ever found desirable before coming to Death City-- is enough proof of how serious he was, and still is, about his decision, and about them.] Facing it was harder than I expected it to be, that’s all.

[want_the_world]

I know, but.

[Mello really didn't doubt his partner; he's just never lost sight of how everything between them might so easily have been different. If they hadn't got the chocolates with the truth drug on Valentine's Day; if Mello hadn't been the first to reach out, dropping his mental walls as Near lay in a coma; if Near had lost his nerve and not said 'wield me' after the fucking witches stuck Mello in their damn machine, or Mello had lost his nerve with so much to lose at stake... He's never believed in destiny, but so many things had to happen exactly the way they did for the two of them to find their way, it's hard not to see the hand of fate at work. And Mello has never forgotten that what fate seems to give you, it can even more easily snatch away.

He slips his hands into Near's hair, automatically starting to toy with it.]

I was... [After all they've been through, it's still hard to admit.] I was scared. I know damn well what you gave up today.

[Maybe, for once, his eagerness to face his fears--to prove they don't control him, to get it over with--backfired. There was never anything to be afraid of.

Would Mello have been able to look into that portal and turn his back on it, if he'd been the one to live in their world, and Near the one only able to stay here? He'd like to think so, but he's immensely glad it wasn't his choice to make.]

[cardfortress]

[Near frowns slightly at the train of thought he can pick up on through their resonance, and that frown remains in place even as he leans into Mello’s touch, doing so as automatically as his Meister started to toy with his hair. While he may have thought otherwise at the beginning of this thing between them, Near has come to realize that it was inevitable for them to end up together after becoming partners, no matter how differently things would have gone if their decisions and personal choices had diverted from the path they actually took. After all, the letters from the doomed future showed quite clearly that he and the other Mello became a lot more than just partners, and Mello’s previous incarnation was quite different from him; as different as two people can be when they are literally the same person, that is.

For a moment, he considers pouring Mello a shot of that whiskey he’s so fond of, because it seems to have helped in the past; he remembers all too well how they were both feeling like after facing their own shadows for the first time, and how the alcohol helped dull some of the nerves that hit them as they tried to talk about that subject. He can’t help but wonder if the alcohol would help his partner once again, but it doesn’t take him long to realize that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea: Mello is displaying vulnerability, of all things-- something they rarely display at all, unless one or both of them have been seriously injured or have just narrowly escaped death-- not the nervousness of trying to speak about something neither of them are equipped for. They aren’t good at being scared, either, and admitting it out loud is almost as hard as admitting other, far more complicated things.

Is Mello worried that now that everything is (supposedly) fine, something else will happen to ruin it all? At the thought, Near’s hands move to his partner’s cheeks so he can cup them, and he holds on tight to their resonance, wanting to get to the bottom of this.]

Are you still scared? [he asks, not daring to speak out loud because that would feel-- quite illogically-- like tempting their luck.] Scared that something may happen, now that it’s all over?

[Truthfully, Near isn’t completely sure that both the war and BREW’s meddling are over-- he’s too paranoid to fully believe that with all of his synapses-- but it appears to be that way; he thinks he’ll feel a lot more at ease whenever Shibusen confirms that BREW is indeed inactive once more. But it’s hard to let a restless mind catch a break, for once, and it’s even harder given how many months he’s devoted to worrying about what the little demon tool could do.

Since their arrival, they’ve been fueled by their fight against BREW’s Russian roulette and the war against the Witches, but now that everything is over and now that they’ve been allowed to stay here, together, it’s as if the momentum they had been following had stopped, making them stumble in disorientation. Near can't help wondering if the adjustment will be harder than he predicted.]