[ EVENT: So long and thank you for all the fish ]

[soul_mods]

Characters: Everyone in Death City
Location: Death City
Rating: G
Time: October 8th and onwards
Description: It's time to say goodbye



A day after Medusa's defeat, Shibusen makes an announcement on the network: BREW is acting up again but instead of bringing new people in, it has created a portal.

It's in the Kishin Chamber, available to anyone who wants to go through it. Anyone who looks into it will see the place they came from, frozen in time. The moment you step through everything resumes and, maybe you'll forget or maybe you won't. Either way, there's no need to hurry right now. Shibusen assures all of you they will keep a sharp eye on BREW's energy readings and tell you the moment anything changes. For now, the portal is stable so take all the time you need to say goodbye and settle everything before you go.

Comments

[want_the_world]

[The feeling of Near holding onto their resonance reminds Mello of reaching out his hand and having it clasped tightly more than ever, as if the mental contact is a seal on the decision Near's made.

As he starts to walk back to their flat, he notes the other people coming to say their goodbyes or make their choices; they might as well not have existed before, when Mello was far too preoccupied with the possibilities facing him and Near. Now he doesn't just spare a thought for them, he takes note of the few familiar faces left, and hopes they're finding peace, and maybe even happiness, too.

It's strange just to realize Near's trying to reassure him, and stranger still that it works, when they both know it's all semantics. But Mello remembers how, not too long ago, the words he was afraid would sound like an empty platitude were just what his Weapon needed to hear. We're fine, we'll be fine. And they weren't empty, not from him then and not from Near now. Even when Mello still hated Near, the one thing he would always concede, albeit grudgingly, was that he never said anything unnecessary or meaningless.]

It'll take some getting used to.

[They were both set on a path that would irrevocably change their lives the moment each of them arrived in Death City, but this is sudden, this realization that the worry (fine, fear, he'll call it what it truly was) he's been living with for so long that it had seeped into his subconscious is gone now--everything changed again, in just a few moments. No more waking up from panicked dreams and having to make sure Near's still there. No more beating his brain against the dead end that was trying to make any sense of BREW in the hope he could figure out how to keep them both here before it was too late. It won't be too late, now, not ever.

Mello doesn't miss that Near would twirl his hair if he could; he huffs a quiet laugh when he picks up on the thought.]

Be patient, we're almost home.

Let's say new beginning. Second chance implies we fucked up, which of course we've never done.

[cardfortress]

[As they walk back home, Near catches Mello’s thoughts about the people they walk by, and he lets his mind wander for a moment. If BREW hadn’t brought Mello back and he had ended up with a different Meister instead, or if they had never become this close, he knows that his final decision would have been drastically different. Those possibilities are so distant from his reality that it feels downright weird to even think of them: after all, Mello became absolutely necessary to him, in more ways than one.

He can’t help feeling relieved when his attempt at reassuring his Meister works. Mello’s quite right-- they both know it’s a matter of semantics-- but after everything that happened in Death City, and after how much they’ve learned about each other, they can both do what once would have been impossible or even unthinkable: to reassure or comfort each other, in a way that no one else will ever be able to.]

It will, [he agrees, already feeling as if something shifted out of place; not unpleasant, just different. It’s going to be difficult to get used to not worrying about BREW: he’s felt that way for so long that the fear has become a part of him, almost like their resonance did.

Mello teases him about his lack of patience, and if Near were in his human body, he’d be pouting. As it is, he makes sure that Mello can pick up on his entirely justified indignation-- he, impatient? How preposterous!-- but doesn’t reply otherwise. He is patient, thank you very much; it’s just that it’s hard not to want to reach out and touch after having decided on something so final and life changing.]

Of course not. That is not in our vocabulary.

[As soon as Mello locks the door behind them, Near turns back into his human body and closes the distance between them, his hands curling tight on his partner’s shirt. He lets his head fall onto Mello’s shoulder and just stays there, taking everything in-- his scent, the warmth of their resonance, being home-- and if he ends up giving Mello’s neck a slight nuzzle, well, it’s not as accidental as he’d like to believe.

So much for silently insisting that he’s a patient person: he’s been wanting to do this since Mello asked him if he needed more time alone by the portal, and although he doesn’t mind just how clearly his feelings are showing through their resonance, he can’t help feeling slightly embarrassed about it. He may have just sealed his decision to stay in Death City with his partner, but that doesn’t mean he’s gotten used to being affectionate, of all things, or that he’s gotten used to showing his feelings very clearly, either.]

[want_the_world]

[Mello gives a quiet 'heh' over Near's entirely predictable offense at being accused of impatience. He could point out that several of his qualities have quite obviously rubbed off on the Weapon, but he won't.

He has also wondered what might have happened if he and Near hadn't become partners, if Near hadn't been able to make the leap of faith and get closer--Mello has no illusions that it was Near's decision that made everything they've become possible. If he'd chosen differently, Mello doubts he would have been able to remain partners, not after taking such a risk and being rejected. His pride, if nothing else, would have made him leave. He can imagine it all too clearly; finding another partner, resigning himself to good-enough resonance and trying to pretend he doesn't know how much better it can be.

The thought's enough that when Near transforms the second the door closes behind them, it doesn't even occur to Mello to tease him about it; he wraps his arms around his Weapon and holds on just as tightly. He feels everything Near's feeling through their resonance, a rush of warmth carrying affection and peace. Once, Mello would've scoffed at the very idea of him--him--wanting such things. Now, he doesn't care if it means he's getting soft in his old age. He's just grateful they made it here.]

If you'd taken much longer to decide, I might've asked you to stay after all. I swore I wouldn't.

[cardfortress]

[His Meister really doesn’t have to point that out: Near knows it very well, just like he knows that, in turn, some of his qualities have rubbed off on Mello. It’s a two way street, and they have both influenced each other equally, but even though he is slightly less patient than he used to be, he can’t say it’s a bad thing.

Near catches Mello’s thoughts as they wander off like his own did, and although he isn’t surprised by any of it, he can’t help feeling possessive at the thought that Mello could have become someone else’s partner. Contrary to what happened in the early stages of their partnership, there is no reason to hide his jealousy and possessiveness now, so he doesn’t; they belong to each other, and they both know it.

(The ring on his finger feels a little heavier and a little warmer, as if the train of thought his mind has been on has made him more aware of it against his skin.)

He leans more heavily against his partner when Mello holds him tight, but when he speaks through their resonance, those words surprise him enough that Near pulls back a little bit, just enough so he can look at his Meister. He knows how much it would have cost Mello’s pride to say those words, and he’s surprised that he’s admitting such a thing at all; there’s a hint of curiosity in Near’s eyes, but there’s understanding, too, because he can imagine all too well how that must have felt like for him.

He lets go of Mello’s shirt so he can reach up to tangle both hands in blonde hair, and he gives one of the strands a little twirl.]

I made my decision long before BREW offered us a return ticket, and it never wavered while we were in the kishin chamber, [he says. Mello told him he didn’t doubt him, and Near wouldn’t have confessed to him that he didn’t want to go back if his decision hadn’t been set in stone (that memory feels distant, somewhat, even though it didn’t happen that long ago; maybe today is just screwing with his perception of things), but he still feels the need to voice these thoughts out loud, as if to reassert his decision.

(Not that there’s any logical need to make it even clearer: giving up the life he used to have-- the life he was groomed for since he was a small child, and the only way of living that he’d ever found desirable before coming to Death City-- is enough proof of how serious he was, and still is, about his decision, and about them.] Facing it was harder than I expected it to be, that’s all.

[want_the_world]

I know, but.

[Mello really didn't doubt his partner; he's just never lost sight of how everything between them might so easily have been different. If they hadn't got the chocolates with the truth drug on Valentine's Day; if Mello hadn't been the first to reach out, dropping his mental walls as Near lay in a coma; if Near had lost his nerve and not said 'wield me' after the fucking witches stuck Mello in their damn machine, or Mello had lost his nerve with so much to lose at stake... He's never believed in destiny, but so many things had to happen exactly the way they did for the two of them to find their way, it's hard not to see the hand of fate at work. And Mello has never forgotten that what fate seems to give you, it can even more easily snatch away.

He slips his hands into Near's hair, automatically starting to toy with it.]

I was... [After all they've been through, it's still hard to admit.] I was scared. I know damn well what you gave up today.

[Maybe, for once, his eagerness to face his fears--to prove they don't control him, to get it over with--backfired. There was never anything to be afraid of.

Would Mello have been able to look into that portal and turn his back on it, if he'd been the one to live in their world, and Near the one only able to stay here? He'd like to think so, but he's immensely glad it wasn't his choice to make.]

[cardfortress]

[Near frowns slightly at the train of thought he can pick up on through their resonance, and that frown remains in place even as he leans into Mello’s touch, doing so as automatically as his Meister started to toy with his hair. While he may have thought otherwise at the beginning of this thing between them, Near has come to realize that it was inevitable for them to end up together after becoming partners, no matter how differently things would have gone if their decisions and personal choices had diverted from the path they actually took. After all, the letters from the doomed future showed quite clearly that he and the other Mello became a lot more than just partners, and Mello’s previous incarnation was quite different from him; as different as two people can be when they are literally the same person, that is.

For a moment, he considers pouring Mello a shot of that whiskey he’s so fond of, because it seems to have helped in the past; he remembers all too well how they were both feeling like after facing their own shadows for the first time, and how the alcohol helped dull some of the nerves that hit them as they tried to talk about that subject. He can’t help but wonder if the alcohol would help his partner once again, but it doesn’t take him long to realize that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea: Mello is displaying vulnerability, of all things-- something they rarely display at all, unless one or both of them have been seriously injured or have just narrowly escaped death-- not the nervousness of trying to speak about something neither of them are equipped for. They aren’t good at being scared, either, and admitting it out loud is almost as hard as admitting other, far more complicated things.

Is Mello worried that now that everything is (supposedly) fine, something else will happen to ruin it all? At the thought, Near’s hands move to his partner’s cheeks so he can cup them, and he holds on tight to their resonance, wanting to get to the bottom of this.]

Are you still scared? [he asks, not daring to speak out loud because that would feel-- quite illogically-- like tempting their luck.] Scared that something may happen, now that it’s all over?

[Truthfully, Near isn’t completely sure that both the war and BREW’s meddling are over-- he’s too paranoid to fully believe that with all of his synapses-- but it appears to be that way; he thinks he’ll feel a lot more at ease whenever Shibusen confirms that BREW is indeed inactive once more. But it’s hard to let a restless mind catch a break, for once, and it’s even harder given how many months he’s devoted to worrying about what the little demon tool could do.

Since their arrival, they’ve been fueled by their fight against BREW’s Russian roulette and the war against the Witches, but now that everything is over and now that they’ve been allowed to stay here, together, it’s as if the momentum they had been following had stopped, making them stumble in disorientation. Near can't help wondering if the adjustment will be harder than he predicted.]