soul_logs | A soldier will fight long and hard [OPEN]

He cracked open an eye to peer out at Nataku, taking a moment to focus and then giving that endeavor up entirely. Both eyes open, then, and more likely to wake his brain up despite his attempts to sleep. Kuroro blearily gave Nataku a once-over, noting the stitches and bandages. Not life-threatening, so he could go on his merry way ignoring it.

"So are you," he pointed out, because Nataku seemed on the verge of scolding him and Kuroro could turn the tables early enough to prevent that. "You okey?"

"Yes. I am." Somehow, whatever he was going to say to Kuroro about being injured had left him. Nataku did not spend too much time wondering as to why it was, but did answer the question as to if he was 'all right' with some apathy. It was just a body, after all. "I am still alive."

A pause, as he always did when gathering his thoughts, before speaking. He at least knew that he should ask the same in response to the other. "You okay?" It sounded foreign on his tongue. Not right. His head gave a slight shake much like some animal having tasted something wrong. If his shoulders could drop, they most likely would have. But it seemed it was obvious that Kuroro was all right and needed no return question -- he would not be talking to him if he were not. Not have walked into the clinic to take his seat.

"I'm still alive," he smiled in response, noting the warring expressions on Nataku's face and wondering on what points he confused the boy again. Kuroro was a bad teacher of humanity, given how little of it he had himself. Still, if the boy required some guidance... "You look troubled. What's wrong?"

Nataku once more widened his eyes at that statement. It was always his belief that his face did not capture what little conflict that he actually felt within himself. More changes that he was unaware of? Or did the ones before simply not look? "I understand that I should ask you if you are all right. I seen it amongst others, but there is no reason to do so."

A slight movement as he tried to tilt his head as it rested on the pillow. "Such things are obvious. There is no reason to ask." It was a useless question as far as the clone was concerned, but he also used logic to discover that it was questions that were needed in society.

And there was another sign of surprise. Was Kuroro not supposed to notice that? But Nataku's face was fairly open, for someone so deadpan, and Kuroro was a master at observing people. He only smiled at the answer and shifted so he was on his side, facing the boy.

"It's a polite way of showing that you're concerned." That wasn't too right... but it was accurate enough, in the kind of society that most people moved in. "It shows that you're paying attention to the other person, and that you want to know how they are even if it's obvious. You also want them to know that you want to know how they are, I guess. There are varying reasons for such a thing, but yes, the most common is concern or the need to show concern."

"Concern." The word was repeated often in Kuroro's explanation. He understood the meaning of the word, but did that really mean that was he was feeling was such? Concern and worry -- the two slightly different definitions. Simple enough explanation that would reason out why he was compelled to repeat the question back to the other rather than move to another point in topic.

"You are concerned about me." Easier to project those sort of emotions onto the person in question, as well, since he was the one who started this little chain of events. "Yet I cannot help but say that you would bring about a response from others had you only been careful out during the mission. Are you not used to fighting?"

It seemed he had also returned the initial scolding that he had not given the other, before. Nothing was meant about the question, nothing particularly harsh anyway, but merely wondering. It was not particularly in him to be vicious verbally toward another person knowingly, after all.

"I'm concerned about you," he agreed, and then chuckled. It was just like Nataku to assume that he couldn't fight just because he was injured.

"I'm used to fighting. I'm just not used to healing slowly. It's coming as a bit of a shock. You're more injured than I am, though; are you not used to fighting?" Throwing back the question at Nataku, see if he liked being asked that sort of question. Kuroro didn't care, but he wanted to see if Nataku would be insulted by his own question.

"Because you view us as friends." These words were spoken hesitantly. Taking what Kuroro had said to him in previous conversations and applying it into the conversation of now. Understanding of what the word meant was still difficult -- what was a friend? Why did Kazuki want to make friends?

"This slow healing ... it is very ineffective manner in dealing with injuries." His body's physical attributes to heal itself faster than normal humans only shaved a little bit of time in actual mending. It also left him feeling 'weak.' Weak in the heart, in his actions, in his thoughts, in his body. It was difficult to understand why that was, however.

A slight shake of the head -- not at all insulted (but then, he rarely ever was when it came to critique about himself) since at the very least he was able to ensure that Tassadar was safe. "I am not used to fighting as purely a weapon. The limitations in what my weaponized form were made clear to me." This sort of thing should have most likely been tested properly before he had gone with Tassadar. He had gone to the training session so that he could learn information, but became sidetracked when Prussia wished to speak on himself and teach him how to laugh. It still sounded like a strange word 'kesese' more than a laugh to the clone.

"I do. Don't you?" Although he figured that Nataku... might not really understand what it is. Kuroro, unfortunately, was not suited to explain such a thing to him, and while he was willing to go the extra mile and explain a version of friendship to the boy that would benefit himself, he was also aware that others would end up undoing his hard work. Humans were social creatures, after all.

"It's really a hassle!" Kuroro agreed as he made a discontent face. "I could have healed off of this in a matter of hours before. Might take a week or so now." So then Nataku had some supernatural abilities in his world, or they perhaps had the ability or technology to accelerate it. Another bit of information to tuck away at the back of his head.

Talking to Nataku, at least, eased a bit of his irritation at losing his weapon.

"No." Again, he had no ability to lie. He remembered someone saying that when someone asks him a question that he need not answer it, but it seemed incorrect response when Kuroro was answering everything that he asked. "What is friendship?" Nataku was going to add on about the statement on how it was a wish of a child to have many friends.

"Yes. It really is troublesome." What could he do? Still, Kuroro did not seem as though he was emotionally and psychological weak. It would be foolish to say that the other was not weak in his body. "Furthermore, it seems as though this place was under attack. However, only one person died amongst us. Even with many injured, it still shows the skill that these people have."

A pause. "When would you laugh?" Kuroro had made him remember about the strange laughter of Prussia and his thought process continued on that process.

Hmm, he must be doing something wrong, then. Ah, well, he could work on it over time. For now, Nataku at least did not considering him a threat enough to talk to him. (So much for resting, he thought ruefully, making himself comfortable on the bed.) "Friendship. It's when you feel close enough to another person despite similarities and differences to trust them, I suppose. It's complicated. Friendship covers a broad realm of possibilities, but is also distinct from other relationships like one you would have with your parent, teacher, or peers."

He acknowledged the factual remark about the rest of the guests. "The attack on the city was only a distraction while the witches fetched what they came from. That anyone died at all is unlucky."

Odd question. "When I'm amused, or entertained. But my amusement level is quite different from normal people. It's easy to make me laugh. Why do you ask?"

"Distinct from those relationships." Nataku parroted what Kuroro said, trying to piece together what it was that he thought of it. Yes, it did sound complicated. He would probably have to take a few days even after this particular conversation in order to see if he could figure out what the word meant to him. The warmth that he felt toward Kuroro did feel different from when he was with Kamui, for one. But was that enough to be considered a friend?

"I see. I missed some of the announcement." He finally admitted -- tired and only picked up that a single person had died and that the city had been attacked by some creatures. "Unlucky? Is that not simply the casualty of war? It is impossible for everyone to live through such events."

Then, it seemed like he would never laugh. That was fine. "I spoke to someone and that person had a laugh that was odd enough for me to question him on it. I asked him to teach me to laugh, but I doubt it is possible for it to be implemented and taught to another individual."

He had given Nataku enough to chew on. That was enough for now. He would ask if he had questions, or ask someone else. Either was fine with Kuroro.

"It's unlucky when the purpose of the enemy was not to kill but to sneak around. That only means the person was in the wrong place at the wrong time." Or rather, that it was the wrong person. If someone else had bumped into the witch, maybe they would have lived through it.

The image of Nataku laughing was so alien to him that Kuroro did chuckle. Perhaps the boy had met Prussia. He couldn't remember anyone else having such a strange laughter. "There are some ways to make one laugh even if they don't want to. Like tickling or laughing gas. Do you want to experience it?"

"I see." Like that shrine priest. Nataku had no intention of killing him. It was only his mission to take the shinken from the Togakushi shrine. However, that man reacted to him violently and got in the way of his mission. If the weapon had just been handed to him, no bloodshed need to have happened. Coolly, he weighed in with his opinion. "It was his own fault."

Did he want to experience it? A brief glance to his body that was on the mend. "No, not at the moment." Perhaps, one day, he would believe that it was time to experience such. It seemed too much for the moment. That sort of expression of joy that he had only seen on that Prussia and little girl was quite pure. His would not match and be a poor substitute. The further connotations of such an event; he did not know much on them. Could not imagine them, but at least knew that much.

"Did I say something funny?"

"From the witch's point of view, yes. But he died protecting someone. I wouldn't pass on the blame to him." A lie, since Kuroro cared little about moral questions like that. Weller was dead and that was all there was to it.

"Tell me if you do." And then he laughed again. Because Nataku was a very funny boy, at least to him. "I told you, I'm easily amused." Especially when other people were confused and Kuroro had an idea of why. He burrowed deeper into the pillow, until he could only look out one gleaming eye at Nataku.

"Died protecting..." There was a slight pain in his chest. He was surprised by the physical reaction when he realized the reason why that person died. "I see. But it is still all right that he died. His wish was realized." The wish that that Weller wanted someone to live beyond his own life; the person who was saved must be happy to know that they were so important.

"I have no reason to deny your request." Much like when Kuroro asked Nataku to tell him when he was hungry. It had taken awhile since Kamui actually made him a few meals before he became hungry on his own. An odd feeling since he never had felt it before. But that was then. "Are you going to sleep now?"

“Perhaps you are right.” A small nod of acknowledgement. To die protecting someone important. Kuroro considered this despite his muzzy thoughts and recalled Pakunoda’s death. She had died protecting him despite his and the Spider’s rule to prioritize the welfare of the group before the leader. She had always been more sentimental than the rest of them; that was why she had joined him, after all. Still, the fact remained that her death had been unnecessary, could have been prevented if she and the others had known to follow his rules. Kuroro could have survived Kurapika’s attack without any of them, after all, and there was the rub.

Kuroro did regret her death, in the small ways that criminal like him could feel regret. She had been a significant and irreplaceable member of the Ryodan, and she had been his right hand, had been there from the beginning.

The Spider did not have to be crippled for his sake.

No doubt Pakunoda had been happy that her death had been for the preservation of the group in the end. Still unnecessary, but if she had been satisfied with it, then perhaps it should stop bothering him, too. It didn’t suit him, he thought wryly.

He nodded at Nataku’s question, restless now that the memories of three years ago had been brought up. Kuroro always did tend to mull and brood on conundrums. “I would like to, but if you want to talk further, I don’t mind.”

"That person ... would they feel a warm feeling in their chest as that person did?" This question had a hollow sound to it as he was asking no one in particular this time around. He thought of how he had died in order to ensure that Karen would live. Karen. The Dragon of Heaven had called her name out many times during the battle and it was only now that he realized that it was hers.

Still, to have one's wish realized, to be the one that wish was for, it seemed like it would bring about a positive response. Turning back toward Kuroro, not realizing that he had been gazing toward the ceiling, he shook his head lightly. "You would like to sleep." Nataku repeated what it was that the other wanted, and that it automatically meant more than what it was that he did. This was not something that he was presented to do from someone else and carrying out their will. Furthermore, it was impolite to keep someone conscious if they would rather be unconscious.

He, at least, believed that he understood that much.

"It is more likely that the surviving party is all the sadder for it," he responded with a small smile, ones that don't reach his eyes. Still thinking about Pakunoda, all the waste that she had been just because she hadn't opted to use her head instead of what little heart the Ryodan's lifestyle afforded them. "Some might even be devastated. Tell me, Nataku, if your meister were to die trying to protect you, how would you feel?" Best to apply in a practical sense.

"I would like to sleep, but talking to you is pleasant enough to keep me awake," Kuroro murmured, still watching the boy for outward reactions.

"Sadder? Devastated?" Nataku repeated the words, knowing the dictionary definitions but uncertain what it would be to feel something of that nature. He did not believe that he had the sort of imagination to believe that he could practically answer the question, but that was not true. It was what he had been wanting to avoid should Karen had somehow taken his place, should she have died when it was his wish to let her survive the battle. "It leaves a cold feeling."

A pause. "Despite the wish of those people to let that individual to live on, that individual feels a pain for having survived?" Spoken more like a question than a statement, but he continued with his thought process. "But it is a natural reaction to want to survive above all else. And yet." The clone was working himself into a paradox. The desire to survive which is taken away from those that want to die to ensure another's life.

Emotions really could override those such feelings, even though Nataku never believed that he ever possessed the will to continue on by his own wish rather than wishing to carry on the will of another. "I do not understand. But Tassadar has promised me that if the two of us are to fall in battle, we shall fall together. Neither of us would be forced to survive."

Nataku nodded absently to the statement. "Pleasant. I have never heard that word used in relation to me until I came to this city." And left it at that.

"It's not surviving that is painful, not entirely," he began, and then paused to arrange his thoughts better in his head. Consequences of thinking too fast and of too many things at the same time. And being emotionally distanced from many things. Ironic that he of all people was explaining this. "It's the loss that is painful. The process of losing someone highly valued, that is what makes surviving through their sacrifice leave a cold feeling in you, not because you didn't want to survive, but because you didn't want them to die." Surviving was usually a good thing, after all, except when people survived Kuroro. His victims were often not fit to carry on with life after he was through with them.

He smiled at that, mildly impressed. It was the warrior's way. Not something that Kuroro adhered to as a criminal and a practical one at that, but there was some respect to be given to it. "I suppose that's a very binding thing for a partnership."

Another grin, and Kuroro closed his eyes with a small yawn. "You're pretty good company."

"I see." He understood that much, no longer horribly confused by the explanation. "The child that I was cloned after, would she feel cold to know that her father died for her sake? From what you said, I think she would be." Nataku, too, would too feel that same physical reaction should anything come to Kamui. And yet, he did not feel that way. He had been aware for a long time that he was the creation of the little girl and her father, but still thought of Kamui as his father. It was not something to question. It was simply how it was. The teenager was his father and he could not see him any other manner.

"I have said something odd." Mainly his response to what his creation was. "Please, do not pay it any mind." The chill had returned to his tone as he returned to guarding the child that his memories held, and offered very little in way that he wanted to explain what he had said. At the same time, if he was pressed, he had no reason to not answer.

"If I repeated the compliment to you, I do not believe it would mean the same." Nataku had a vague apologetic sound to his voice, replacing the cold of moments before. "Your company ends up confusing me, but it also leaves a warm feeling in my heart. I cannot say if it is a good or bad thing at this time."

So much information to dig into right there and Kuroro had no idea what to do with them. Then again, he always did just like to know things for the sake of knowing, so he filed it at the back of his head like many other things and contemplated Nataku’s next statements.

“It’s not very odd,” he finally said. “There are also some things similar to that in my world, but not so advanced. However, if you don’t like to share information because of someone else—“ Kamui. “Or if you don’t feel like it, I don’t mind dropping the subject.”

Muffled laughter into the pillow. “Being confused is not a bad thing as long as you become unconfused later on. If you have questions, you should ask. Otherwise, how will you find answers? Being warm is not a bad feeling at all, unless you have other reasons to not want to feel warm with me.”

"We should drop the subject." Nataku said after a time. He was not sure what Kamui would think one way or the other, but he would not say something that may make his surrogate father unhappy. Information -- and the flow about that which was known in his world -- seemed to be best kept to those that Kamui seemed to trust, or those that already know. It was a confusing thing that he did not properly understand, but it was something that was wanted. So, it would be accepted and done to the best of his abilities.

He lightly shook his head once. "I have no reasons to not feel warm about you." A pause. "Some of the concepts and things that you talk about are not things that I can understand. You explain them and I have to muse on them for a time." Closing his eyes, he wondered how long it would take for him to understand. The concepts were simple enough -- a few days.

"I shall let you rest. I have a lot to think about."

To drop the subject, then. Kuroro obliged and moved on to the next subject, taking note of it for later questioning. A clone of a young girl, a father and a grandfather, Nataku was likely a lonely boy without knowing it.

“Then… if you have additional questions, you may wake me up to ask.” That much, he didn’t mind. Anyway, he wanted to see how Nataku would work their latest session in his head. “Good morning.” He took care not to jostle his shoulder, bringing the pillow over his face to block out the light. It wasn’t difficult to fall into a light sleep with the infection and exhaustion setting in.

(no subject)

soulparadox.livejournal.com - 2010-07-27 07:28 (UTC) - Expand