soul_logs | A soldier will fight long and hard [OPEN]

Cloud suspected that most of what Yuuri wanted to say wouldn't yet come out. No, the boy hadn't let go enough to express everything just yet, but admitting anything was a good start. The fact that Yuuri continued to sob against him and speak at all was a good sign as far as he was concerned.

"He will live on, Yuuri. The dead always do... in our memories and in our hearts," he murmured softly. He knew that no matter what he said here that Yuuri would continue to self-blame. He understood that pain, but it was the words that the boy hadn't been able to move that caused him to twitch subtly.

The green returned to his irises, but he continued with the motion of stroking the back of Yuuri's neck. "I know what that's like, Yuuri. Standing by while a sacrifice is made. To you and I, the good from it never outweighs the cost."

There was no doubting the flinch that he made when Cloud spoke of death. All of the fears seemed to have returned when he was reminded of the time Conrad had first been taken from him, and like then, the young Maou didn't want to live without him.

"He was always there for me... always..." And now he'd let Conrad down in the worst possible way. He had meant to protect Conrad, to protect everyone, but all he'd done was see those he cared for most hurt.

The thought had his arms falling down to hit against the bed. He couldn't bring himself to pull his head away. Just thinking that he would lose such a thing had him wanting to cling tighter to it, but the energy seemed to be rapidly fleeing him.

"I don't understand what good there is in dying," Yuuri muttered. Clenching his eyes tightly closed, his hands shot up to grasp at his head as a hint of desperate panic slipped into his tone, "What good is it whe--"

His words seemed to fail him as Yuuri felt himself emotionally shutting down. Pulling his head away, the young Maou turned his attention away entirely from Cloud as he angrily wiped at the tears staining his face. "Why? Why do people have to kill others?! I don't understand!"

Cloud had no real words to say about Conrad always being there because he didn't know if the same way to communicate with the dead existed as it did in Gaea. It was clear that the subject of death itself was the most painful, and it seemed that Yuuri couldn't yet admit that death had occurred regardless of the attempts to stop it.

His eyes turned down to watch Yuuri with the grip around his waist left, but he remained doing the same action over again when it appeared that the dark-haired boy would remain. "Dying is a goal we're all speeding towards no matter how hard we fight against it. Whether by old age, disease or in war, it will always happen."

He dropped his touch away when Yuuri sat back. "Some kill to protect; some kill for power; others still kill because it is the only way for them to feel much of anything." He shook his head a little. "It doesn't make the act just or right, but... it is a reality of the war we are living." He shifted his feet a little. "Do you want to know why I kill?"

The bloodied material scratched across his face as Yuuri wiped at his eyes. He didn't mind the sting it caused since it gave him the distraction he needed from the topic. Yuuri knew that everyone had to die at some point, and dying from old aged was something he respected and knew was natural.

War was something he'd never approve of even despite seeing this one. The loss of so many unnecessary lives seemed so pointless to him.

Each word Cloud spoke caused his muscles to tense along his back. To him, there wasn't any reason to kill and take the life of another, and just hearing that Cloud also did just that caused the young Maou's attention to shoot up to the blonde.

He didn't want to hear this-- didn't want to think of anyone ever having to take a life, but different word seemed to slip from him, "Why?"

He waited until he had Yuuri's attention fixed on him and was certain that the boy was willing to hear him out before he spoke. His eyes still remained cat-like, reflecting the eyes that Yuuri also bore, but he drew no attention to the enhanced sight that was provided to him by them.

He spread his hands out in front of him so that Yuuri could see the years of callouses formed from using weapons. "I kill because I want to prevent innocence like yours from being tarnished with the harsh reality of war. You deserve better, and if I shoulder the burden, I can save many lives by taking a few."

It would never justify taking a life, especially a human life, but it was a reality that he lived with. "Conrad would have killed for you if it meant protecting your life. I will kill to keep you and people like you safe. It doesn't make it right, and someday Yuuri, I know I will answer for the killing that I've done. I accept that; it's what a good swordsman knows."

Cloud's words seemed to cause a reaction out of Yuuri, even if it wasn't the one that the blonde was attempting. His hands snapped out to tightly grab at Cloud as his reddened-eyes began to well with fresh tears. "I won't let you or anyone else die!" There was a sense of desperate determination held within his voice and he blurted out those words.

The fear that another of his friends could be taken from him to much of a reality to allow for him to think straight.

"No!" He found himself shaking his head at Cloud's words, "I don't think that at all!" The thought that the blonde would answer for anything like that something Yuuri didn't believe. His grip on Cloud tightened as he pressed his face up against the blonde's stomach, "You're a good person, Cloud."

He didn't react when Yuuri twisted around and latched onto him again, and he felt bad for causing the re-awakening of tears of the boy. He shook his head and reached out with a hand to pat Yuuri on the back of the head again. "If it is my time, it is my time. It's this determination that I'm sure Conrad had as well." Plus... he didn't think Sephiroth would let him escape to the planet that easily.

Tilting his head to the side kindly, Cloud lightly scratched his fingers against the back of Yuuri's scalp. "I know I am, but I have done things that I will be judged for." He paused for a moment, feeling bad for such an innocent person being stuck in this war. "Tell me about Conrad, okay? The stuff you two did together."

Yuuri didn't like to think that it was 'anyone's' time when it came to sacrificing themselves. Sure, he was one of the biggest hypocrites and would do the same if it meant saving others, but he didn't want others sacrificing themselves and especially for him.

"Promise me--" The young Maou began with a voice muffled by the thick material of Cloud's sweater, "--promise me that you won't do anything like that for me."

Talking... talking was good and was something that could distract him from what had happened. Yuuri could feel his mind beginning to drift as Cloud scratched at the back of his head. It was so easy to get distracted, and the young Maou embraced it as he closed his eyes and softly murmured, "I--- I wouldn't judge you because you fight to protect people... it doesn't matter what you did in your past because you use your sword for good."

Yuuri fell silent when asked about Conrad. Slowly opening his eyes, he found some level of comfort in the shadowed darkness hiding against Cloud brought. "You want to know about him?" Yuuri found himself quietly asking after a long silence. His mind began drifting back to the past at the thought, and Yuuri found himself smiling softly as he muttered, "We did, a lot of stuff together... since the day I first arrived in Shin Makoku."

Cloud could only smile kindly when Yuuri seemed desperate to make him promise against doing something that he was completely willing to do. He did his best not to lie to kids, which unfortunately meant that he was going to have to be honest with Yuuri. It was too bad the kid would take it hard, and he simply hoped that it would never come down to that.

"I won't," he said simply, truthfully. "If I have the power to save you, I would do it, just as I would for my other close friends." He hoped that he would have enough strength to live on in order to fight more, but sometimes a sacrifice was worth it just as much.

Nodding, he didn't much care if Yuuri judged him anyway. He knew the kid was against killing and fighting in general, but the real world wasn't just about having tea parties and making friends. Sometimes some people just wanted to have a good fight, even at the cost of others. Yuuri didn't need to be in this war to experience that pain again, since he could already see the toll that it had on the younger male.

"Like what?" He thought that if he could get Yuuri talking about the good times, it would force the kid to remember that the world wasn't ending. There were memories to enjoy and mourn over. "What was he to Shin Makoku?"

Yuuri felt his eyes widen at Cloud's confession. The fear that returned to his body had his arms snapping up to wrap around the blonde's waist. He didn't want to lose any else, especially those who were his friends, and the thought that Cloud would go that far terrified him.

"Don't, please don't," The young Maou muttered while tightening the hold he had around the blonde. "I don't want anyone else dying because of me."

He didn't want to think that someone else would sacrifice everything for him. Cloud had his own friends and life that was important to him, that he didn't want to be the reason the blonde was forced to leave it behind.

"We used to play baseball together," Yuuri murmured after a moment. He still remembered the first time he and Conrad had ever been a battery pair. The memory caused him to smile subtly even as Cloud asked that next question. "Conrad was... known as the Lion of Rutenberg to the people of Shin Makoku. He was their hero, my... hero-- and was the one who named me."

It wasn't that Yuuri was a particularly strong person, but the way that the kid locked arms around his waist and all by squeezed the air out of him was an interesting change. He didn't show any sign of discomfort though, and he remained petting the back of Yuuri's head in an attempt to calm the dark-haired teenager down. He didn't remember being this clinging as a teenager.

"It won't be because of you," he corrected, "but rather for you. There's a distinct difference."

He didn't entirely understand what baseball was, but he assumed that it was kind of similar to one of the game Midgar came up with. Either way, it was an activity that had been clearly important to Yuuri, given the way that the kid smiled. That was what he wanted; a smile meant that they were on the right track. "The one who named you? That's a very special bond then," he murmured softly. "Why was he a hero?"

Having been there before, finding the clinic wasn't at all difficult. Neither was locating Yuuri within it; the first nurse he'd asked had directed him to the room with a somber expression. If his earlier talk with Yuuri over the network hadn't put him on edge, then that nurse's face certainly did, because who ever looked so sad when Yuuri was involved?

The difficult part came upon opening the room's door -- quietly for fear of scaring his friend who had obviously sounded anxious -- and seeing the double black clinging desperately to an unfamiliar blond man.

For a moment, he wondered if he should be grateful, that this person was trying to take care of his precious friend when even Yuuri's retainers were nowhere in sight. But another glance to Yuuri's arms wrapped tightly around the man's waist and Sara felt a surge of possessiveness, anger that someone not even from their world (as far as he knew) could dare to be so close to his Yuuri, to the great Demon King.

A frown crossed over his face. They seemed to be in the middle of a conversation, but, unable to even appreciate the man's presence, Saralegui had no qualms over interrupting. "Yuuri?" he said, just loudly enough to be sure they heard him, and now wearing a mask of only concern.

"But that's even worse!" Yuuri protested in response. He didn't want anyone putting themselves into that kind of situation because of him, let alone for him. The thought that someone would caused a feeling of panic to well up within.

The young Maou pulled his face away from Cloud's stomach just enough to glance up towards the blonde. His cat-like eyes were still red from crying, and while they still shimmered with tears, they had stopped for now. "Because--" Yuuri began saying before he heard Sara's voice.

His attention instantly snapped over to the other king, and after seeing the concern on his friend's expression, Yuuri felt the sense of calm he'd been gaining slip away. "S-Sara," He stuttered while half-pulling away from Cloud's comforting presence. Yuuri didn't let go, didn't think that he could, but the sudden need to know if Sara was alright overwhelmed him, "You're not hurt anywhere?!"

Cloud knew that the kid would fight him on the subject, which meant that they would soon enough have to drop it. He couldn't risk Yuuri getting upset again when he had finally began to calm the teenager down. The subject of worthy sacrifice would have to wait for another day when Yuuri wasn't so damaged. Time was what was required, and they had that.

His green cat-like eyes flicked over to regard the newcomer, not recognizing the look until the name was given. Sara kind of sounded like a girl's name, but he wasn't one to make fun of names. Yet, he knew that he recognized this person from somewhere other than the DEMISE network.

His hand stilled on the back of Yuuri's head, and he blinked an extra long time as he forced his JENOVA cells under control. His eyes returned the blue with a normal round pupil before he gently bopped Yuuri on the head. "Let him get in the door before you start demanding things like his state of health." It was a bit of a teasing gesture but one to also knock Yuuri a little away from desperately needing to rush around saving everyone.

Yuuri's worry over him was somewhat reassuring. After all, it was enough to make him pull away from the other man some, and that he'd entirely forgotten about their conversation upon Sara's arrival spoke plenty about who was most on his mind.

It still didn't quite help the blond king relax, though. He'd quickly moved over to Yuuri's bedside, as close as he could get without brushing against Cloud, and with a slight start he noticed the younger's eyes, pupils slitted not unlike when he was in the form of the Maoh. Sara was not at all used to seeing Yuuri visibly upset -- the only other time had been a certain incident with an arrow. But situations that Sara had organized himself and short-lived bouts of anxiety aside, nothing had ever been like this, and Sara didn't like it.

"I'm completely fine," he said dismissively, and laid a hand on the other boy's shoulder as his hands were currently occupied. "Yuuri, are you...alright?" He was hesitant to use the word -- Yuuri certainly didn't sound alright over the network, and he wasn't looking much better in person -- but only asking about his physical health didn't seem to be enough.

The bop to the head caught the young Maou off guard, and it hadn't been until that moment that Yuuri had realised he had been moments away from scrambling over to double check. He didn't have it in him to look sheepish at the discovery, and merely glanced up briefly at Cloud while trying to give the fighter a weak smile. The gesture didn't quite make it as he muttered quietly, "Sorry."

Sara's answer didn't stop Yuuri from giving his friend the once over to make certain that there weren't any untold injuries, but it seemed as though the other king's words were right. That much was a relief to the young Maou, but it was a relief that was short lived as he heard the following question.

The hold he had around Cloud slackened in response, and he only seemed to release one arm from around the fighter as Sara's hand settled on his shoulder. Pain flickered in his gaze before Yuuri glanced away from them both. He could feel the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes, and Yuuri hastily released Cloud to reach up and rub them away as he said, "I-I'm fine... Conrad-- Conrad protected me."

It seemed that Yuuri was going to be rather hypersensitive to the needs of others for awhile. He supposed he would be if the situation had been reversed, even if he never would have admitted it as plainly as Yuuri did. The kid just needed some time and possibly less questions about if he was alright.

He noted it was getting a little crowded on this side of the bed, but he didn't budge from his spot until Yuuri had actually released him. It was only then that he made way for the other blonde to move in on Yuuri, which meant he stepped back and stood next to the walled sheet.

While he suspected another break-down in the works, he said nothing towards it. This Sara needed to know that Yuuri was safe, and the more people to care about the kid right now, the better it would be.

As soon as the space was cleared, Sara wasted no time in filling it up, moving to stand right in front of Yuuri and taking both of his hands gently. He frowned for a moment at what looked like the beginning of more tears, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

Truthfully, he had no idea how to comfort a person. Never had he needed to, and never had anyone else needed to do so for him. He'd never lost anyone important to him as Yuuri had. Or, never had anyone so important to lose, save Belias. He couldn't imagine how Yuuri must have been feeling. When his own father had died, Sara had shrugged it off without batting an eyelash, regretful only of the fact that he'd never managed to make the man acknowledge him. Yet this was something that could drive the forever optimistic Yuuri to tears. The blond supposed it made sense, at least; Lord Weller had seemed to be to Yuuri was Belias was to him, and for a moment Sara wondered how he would feel to lose his own bodyguard. After only a second he quickly banished the thought, shuddering at the ache it created in his chest. Sympathy be damned, he'd rather play it by ear than make himself feel like that.

Giving the double black a small smile, he went out on a limb. "Of course he did," Sara answered softly, running a soothing thumb over the back of Yuuri's hand. "He loved you. So many people do, I'm sure any number of them would have done the same."

Whatever it required him to say, Sara just wanted to make Yuuri smile again. Because that was what a friend was expected to do, wasn't it? And because it would force Yuuri closer to him even more. And because a part of him just really couldn't stand this, was horribly unnerved by seeing the Demon King so upset.

Yuuir couldn't help but glance over when Cloud stepped and moved away from him. While he knew that nothing would happen, the young Maou couldn't help the momentary spike of panic that he felt within, and it was something that was shown on his expression.

There was a certain level of comfort felt when Sara took hold of his hands. The fears he felt that something might also happen to his friend were settled in that moment as he gave the other king a weak smile. It was difficult to keep the gesture there, and as Sara spoke of others who'd be willing to do the same, Yuuri felt his expression fall entirely.

Cloud's previous words floated back to mind, and he felt his chest clench painfully at the heavy reminder. "I can't stop them from doing that," His voice was quiet and thick with emotion as Yuuri tried his best to keep it a bay. If he thought too much on the sacrifices, then it would be his undoing. Shaking his head, Yuuri finally muttered, "But I don't want anyone doing something like that, especially not for me."

It was then that Yuuri was reminded of Sara's own sacrifice, and while he hadn't experienced that yet himself, it didn't stop the bout of panic as he shifted his grip to hold the other king's hands instead. "You've got to promise me that you won't do anything like that!" There was an urgency in his tone as he spoke those words. His gaze flicked over to regard Cloud, letting the blonde swordsman know that he meant him as well, before Yuuri's attention fixated itself back on Sara, "I- I don't want to lose you or anyone else that I care about - not for those reasons or any!"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Cloud remained vigilant as he remained silent listening to the pair speak. It was clear that Yuuri and the new blonde were from the same place based on the familiarity between them. Those two had the same look as he had with some of his comrades from Gaea, but he pushed down the awkward feeling.

Well, he knew that the new blonde's words would have the same effect as his hand on Yuuri, but it was interesting to hear the desperation there. Clearly, Yuuri thought that it was possible to save everyone. It was such a narrow-minded thought pattern, yet it was clear that the kid really did think that it was possible. What kind of world had they come from?

He nodded his head, understanding the sentiment but not entirely believing it. He couldn't say anything though, having already spoken his mind on the subject, and he didn't want to upset Yuuri more.

That desperate tone was so unlike what Sara was used to coming from Yuuri that for a moment he forgot his company and frowned, uneasy. Quickly, however, he repaired his gentle smile, giving Yuuri's hands a soft squeeze.

"It's a bit late to be saying that," he pointed out, pulling the younger boy's hands to his chest, over the scar right in the center. "I already have, after all. And I should hope we're not so unlucky that such a situation would ever come up a second time."

Whether the lightly teasing words were just that, teasing in an attempt to make Yuuri smile, or a subtle reminder of what the human king had done for him and how much Yuuri owed him, was ambiguous at best. Perhaps it was even meant as both, because as much as Sara genuinely wanted Yuuri to go back to normal, he couldn't forget his first purpose in befriending the Maoh. Surely this was a great opportunity, after all? With all his retainers either missing or grieving over their fallen comrade, there would be no one in the way and Sara could draw Yuuri closer than ever.

He felt his chest clench painfully at what Sara pointed out. Glancing down to his hands as the other king moved them, Yuuri didn't miss the meaning behind the gesture when Sara pressed his hands against his chest. The cat-like shape to his pupils thinned at the reminder, and while he hadn't experienced that situation himself, the young Maou didn't need to.

"...Sara..." Yuuri muttered more to himself. He owed the other king so much as it was, and it felt to him that all he did was take from those around him. His shoulder's slumped and trembled slightly at the thought, but he didn't pull his hands away.

"I told Usagi that I wanted to start standing up and protecting those I cared about," The young Maou murmured before he dipped his head shamefully, "But when the time came, we were caught unaware and Co-- Conrad was the one who ended up protecting me. I- I couldn't save him."

Peering back up, his gaze lingered on Sara as he murmured, "I don't want to see that happen again to anyone else," Pulling his gaze over to regard Cloud, Yuuri continued, "You all mean too much to me." Yuuri's gaze lingered on the blonde fighter. Cloud had already said that he'd go to such lengths regardless of what he said, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't try protecting the other in return.

His attention traveled back to regard the other king as he finished, "I don't want Conrad's sacrifice to be in vain."

It was clear that right now Yuuri needed to be surrounded by friends, and he suspected that it would be the only way the kid got back standing. He had his doubts that Yuuri should actually be left alone at this point, and he wondered if there were enough to take care of that job. Perhaps staying in this place would be good for Yuuri?

Dropping his arms down to his sides again, he stepped away from the wall he had standing next to. "If you don't want his sacrifice to be in vain, you need to protect yourself first. That was what he died to do." He nodding his head, remembering a time when he had to do the same thing. He couldn't protect everyone else when he was so open for manipulation and control. "Once you can protect yourself, you can set out to protect everyone else."

At Yuuri's shamed expression, Sara frowned and shook his head, releasing the double-black's hands only to instead pull him into a hug. "Enough of that," he scolded. "I can't imagine that Lord Weller or any of your retainers would want you to feel like this, and I don't want it either."

He glanced over to the blond man at his comment, and with the memory of lightning strikes, violent spikes of earth and tornadoes of seawater, he smirked. "But Yuuri is strong," he pointed out, as though everyone should have been aware of the power he had back home. "There's no one that could manage to harm the great Demon King, after all. That shouldn't be a problem."

A cold feeling of fear shot through his chest as Sara released his hands, and it snapped his attention back up towards the other king just as he was pulled into that hug. The gesture did more to comfort him than the hold on his hands, and Yuuri didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms back around his friend.

Yuuri's cat-like gaze shifted over to regard Cloud at the other blonde's words. What was said reminded him of the conversation he'd had with Usagi. He tried to protect others, but no matter how hard he did, things always ended up being the other way around. How could he protect himself first? Morgif wasn't with him, and he'd always been terrible with other swords.

"Protect myself," He muttered to himself before Sara's words drew his attention. Easing the hug he had around the other king, Yuuri pulled back enough to give them a little bit of space between their bodies even if his arms remained around Sara. "But we're not at home," Yuuri said. If they had been, then he would have been able to do something to help save Conrad. The thought caused his chest to clench painfully before he shook his head and glanced between the two, "I want to learn how to be stronger here so I can protect everyone."

A soldier will fight long and hard [OPEN]

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