Bakura Ryou [獏良了] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shiromadoushi) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
soul_logs2013-06-10 06:05 pm
shiromadoushi) wrote in soul_logs2013-06-10 06:05 pm
Entry tags:
[Closed] Serious talks in silence
Characters: Bakura and Mello
Location:Mello and Near's apartment
Rating:PG?
Time: June 4th, afternoon
Description: With Near all healed up, it's now Mello's turn. And while they're resonating, Bakura resumes his job as the Whammy Whisper, trying to patch things up between Mello and L.
After five sessions, Bakura had healed all that he could of Near's injuries and could finally tend to Mello's own. It was easier healing the person he was resonating it, he reflected as his Weapon form rolled. Leaning on that person's energy, boosting it with his own and then sending it back again seemed to create a bit of an echo chamber. That and being connected to where it was being sent helped make it go all that much further in it's healing scope.
Still, he took a moment to lean back against Mello's wavelength after the spell had been cast, letting himself recharge.
'Get it all in one go, did we?'
Location:Mello and Near's apartment
Rating:PG?
Time: June 4th, afternoon
Description: With Near all healed up, it's now Mello's turn. And while they're resonating, Bakura resumes his job as the Whammy Whisper, trying to patch things up between Mello and L.
After five sessions, Bakura had healed all that he could of Near's injuries and could finally tend to Mello's own. It was easier healing the person he was resonating it, he reflected as his Weapon form rolled. Leaning on that person's energy, boosting it with his own and then sending it back again seemed to create a bit of an echo chamber. That and being connected to where it was being sent helped make it go all that much further in it's healing scope.
Still, he took a moment to lean back against Mello's wavelength after the spell had been cast, letting himself recharge.
'Get it all in one go, did we?'
no subject
He had never been too sure how much the others had know about Light and L's... relationship. He should have guessed that this would be the result of it being found out...
'It's just another aspect of their fighting, I think...' he attempted. 'It's an addiction he doesn't know how to handle, and with Light being the only Meister he can resonate with...' He sighed softly. 'Ryuzaki doesn't understand anything past just that need more than anyone else does, I think. So much of him is wrapped up in that addiction-- that obsession, even... It's not that he doesn't know that it's dangerous. I think the fact that it is-- and a safe level of dangerous here... is why he's allowed it to fill up so much of the dead spaces inside of him.'
It was an awkward explanation because really, there was no other explanation to give.
'In his mind, he's just an echo of a past that everyone's long since moved on from... He's convinced that you and Near don't need him anymore, and that all he is is a specter of failures long past. So he's being stupid and chasing after his own death, even though he says he's not, because he doesn't know what else to do.'
It was good that they were resonating to talk about this... if L even had the faintest clue that Bakura was saying these things to someone else...
But it was more important that L and Mello get along. They were from the same world and shared so much of the same understandings. Despite L's insistence, they were friends, or at least the closest that stupid world had to them. He wasn't about to let that fall apart because of L's need to protect a specific image to those around him.
no subject
Mello also didn't know if Bakura was making excuses for L that he'd come up with himself, because he was temperamentally the puppy who'd come back to someone even after being kicked a dozen times, or if he was repeating excuses L had made. It didn't particularly matter which; he obviously didn't understand.
Bakura's last words crossed a line. Mello's anger flared again, whitehot through their resonance, and he flung the die down.
"Oh, this is our fault? Is that what he's tried to tell you? We're not giving him the proper amount of deference and blind worship anymore, so his life doesn't mean anything? The L I know would never think that." The L I believed in, he'd only just kept himself from saying. "No. Telling himself that is another excuse to justify this. There's only one reason I'm mad at him, and he knows what it is. He's losing his grip, Bakura, and I can't--" His voice wavered dangerously close to cracking, and he controlled it by force of will. "He won't let anyone pull him back."
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He hesitated a moment before reaching out to take Mello's hand. Not aloud. This wasn't anything he wanted in open air.
'Ryuzaki doesn't understand people... he's lost and he needs you and Near more than ever but he doesn't understand... He thinks he's useless and worthless... He may be insanely smart, but he's also an idiot.
He doesn't understand why you're angry. He can't explain why he's addicted to Light. He doesn't want your worship, he can't stand it! But he doesn't understand that there's an in between... He doesn't understand that you're angry because you care about him. He doesn't understand what friendship is, Mello! The world of people he's not tracking down is black and white to him....'
There was a moment of hesitation before he continued.
'He isn't L any more... But he doesn't know how to be anything else...'
no subject
Mello would have thrown the die again if it weren't attached. Bakura's sense of discretion could go rot for all he cared. He didn't want anyone in his head right now, not when his thoughts were roiling with frustration, anger, and hurt.
If what Bakura said were true, L had cracked even more than Mello had feared.
"If he doesn't know why I'm angry, he's forgot our last conversation." Which seemed quite unlikely. It was far more likely that L had found a strategic advantage to putting on an air of injured innocence.
"And if he doesn't understand that lying to himself and trying to throw his life away piss me off, there's nothing I can do to make him get it.
"He could resonate with someone else. He's just got himself convinced he can't, because he has to believe this partnership's meant to be, or some bullshit like that. He had himself convinced of it when that murdering fuck was here before, as a Weapon, when it wasn't just wrong but dangerous."
He'd spoken quickly, but slowed down now, not wanting to say what came next. But it had to be said. "He can't see reality when it comes to Yagami. Until he can, he's. He's a liability."
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"It's more than just having his heart set on Light..." he pointed out, voice soft. "It's hard to get along with him." And if it was Bakura saying that... "He only managed to resonate with Gamzee because Gamzee could resonate with anyone. Anyone else he'd tried with wound up with both him and that person bloodied. He looks down on everyone and has more barriers to protect himself than anyone else I know...
"With Light, he has a challenge. Something to prove, someone to best. It's not that he can't see reality... he knows he's dancing with death. But they have a balance... If Light kills him, everyone would know it was him not matter how he tried to hide it. So he can't. So that impasse makes it safe. Safer than any other battle he has right now." There was a moment of hesitation. "You remember what he was like, when Light left last time...?" he asked, voice soft.
no subject
This was ridiculous. The one person he'd believed in back home wasn't supposed to act like a petulant child.
"And I don't think either of you understand. L acts like I'm trying to take away his favorite toy for no reason. I hate repeating myself, but. Yagami's the reason three of us are dead, and he gave killing the fourth a damn good try. He was beaten here, and he knew it. All any of us had to do was leave him the fuck alone. But not only could L not do that, he's created a situation where's he's constantly antagonizing the bastard. Who knows exactly which people here L cares about, has a tendency to try to kill everyone when he's backed into a corner, and has got to be feeling trapped already."
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There was a slow tension building as Bakura spoke, a simmering frustration. The fact that the people who always just saw though every mask and misdirection he put up would be so blind when it came to their own...
"Matt is the most normal of all of you, how can you even think to compare his situation to Ryuzaki's! Ryuzaki's tried to resonate with people! Every time, he came back bleeding and more and more convinced that he was alone and useless.... It's no wonder he clings to the one person he knows every last detail of! And he doesn't even know how to take care of himself, how can you think he knows a thing about finding a partner?!"
oh god I am so sorry about all of this tl;dr
Moving as quickly as his still somewhat-fragile state would allow, Near relocated himself from the floor of his room to behind his bedroom door and listened in. Bakura was clearly trying to use resonance to speak, but Mello was having none of that, and Near realized right away why the boy wanted to keep it down, and why Mello’s temper was quite obviously flaring up. With good reason, too; Near could feel his own anger flare up, his eyes narrowing in irritation, but he held himself back from interrupting them, told himself that he should wait until he gathered enough information…
…or until Bakura crossed a line he probably didn’t even know was there, which was exactly what happened next, and Near didn’t need resonance to realize that Mello was dangerously close to exploding: he could hear it in his voice, in the words he said and how he said them. Near’s own anger escalated, and although he could control it a lot better than Mello could, he still needed to focus on calming down before he made his presence known. The last thing they needed was for his own anger to fuel Mello’s, although he knew that his Meister would be able to sense it very clearly, even without their resonance. But he couldn’t wait until his own temper calmed down completely: he needed to make his presence known, and he needed to do it now.
“Enough, Bakura.”
Those two words, spoken in a flat, icy tone that betrayed just how furious he was, were the only things he said as he walked into the living room and took his place by Mello’s side. He reached up to grab the hem of his Meister’s shirt, his fingers brushing against Mello’s skin on purpose, to give their resonance a more tangible connection and make it easier for the blond to reach out if he wanted. Near didn’t pry, didn’t say anything through their resonance just yet or try to calm him down-- he didn’t even have to look deeper, the sheer strength of his partner’s anger was staggering-- but he opened his mind, letting Mello know that he could anchor him and keep his anger in check, if he wanted him to.
“You claim that we only see the mask that he tries to hide behind when someone from our world is around. What do you see? He is an expert manipulator-- what makes you think that you have seen anything beyond what he wants you to see?
“None of us have a soft, cuddly center as you are so intent on believing. We are ruthless, cruel and manipulative. The ends justify the means, and we will not hesitate to toy with others and use them as puppets if it benefits us in any way. Most people are little more than chess pieces to be moved around, and if you know him as well as you seem to believe, you should know that by now.”
Near wondered if Bakura would get the direct implication and accusation that Near was getting at-- that the boy was little more than a toy in L’s hands, too, but he didn’t particularly care right now. He was too angry to care about anything other than showing Bakura how wrong he was.
“I am the least social of all of us, and my Weapon form is by far the hardest to wield. I have never known how to take care of myself, and yet I have managed to resonate with two people other than Mello. Stop trying to justify his inability to let go of Yagami with such childish and naïve arguments.”
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He wasn't surprised by Near's appearance; he'd assumed his partner was keeping tabs on the proceedings from the cover of his room. When Near touched him, some--by no means all--of the tension left him. He didn't reach out fully with his mind, but he did let himself mentally lean against his partner, like he did when he sought the stability of their resonance to anchor him against the Madness wavelength. It helped, and there was an acknowledgment of that in the way Mello glanced at Near.
What the Weapon said helped more; it was everything Mello would have explained, if he hadn't been too angry to articulate it.
There was something Near had left out, though.
"L feel useless? Impossible. He's even less capable of it than I am." Than Near is, he might have said more honestly. Mello wore his arrogance like a shield. The brand L and Near possessed was quieter and more unshakable.
"You act like all he needs is a hug and some moral support." He twisted the words with the contempt those ideas deserved. "One thing L has never been is fragile; he'd never have survived as long as he did if he were. It's simply to his advantage to make you think he is, and you've bought into it.
"He can make all the excuses he likes, and justify this however he pleases, but it won't change that it's an indulgence, a selfish and dangerous one that puts a lot of people at risk. Including you, or have you forgot the state he left you in the last time he bet Yagami wouldn't hurt him?"
A low blow, perhaps, but maybe Bakura needed a shock to see how he was being used.
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He looked up again, expression set and serious. "Who do you think he would have an easier time manipulating? Someone from his own world that he knows every detail about who's been trained to see him as one thing and one thing only? Or someone who comes from a world that's strongest force is something that he can't even comprehend? He doesn't have a soft cuddly anything. He has a broken, empty core that he tries to fill up with anything that he can to try and regain who he was."
Another glance to where Near had reached out.
"Who does he have to come to his aid when things don't go as he'd planned? Who does he have to lean back against? Someone who has such heavy expectations that he can't ever relax around? You support each other, but don't support him and instead lash out the instant he doesn't live up to what you want him to be! He asked you for help and you pushed him away! He's trying to hold up everything he's been taught to be without anything like he had back home to support him! Ryuzaki can't be L in this world. L doesn't exist in this world. And the more you insist that he does, the more weight you're pushing down on him. With no support and nothing but weight from all sides and repeated failures, even the strongest person can crack! Ryuzaki came here after his biggest defeat. You both came here after winning that battle that he couldn't. How the hell can you stand there and act like you can make any comparisons to him and yourselves?!"
He realized he was clenching his fists and forced himself to let them flex open, giving a slow exhale. "You both have each other... All Ryuzaki has is me and Light... One to support him and one to challenge him. Because I can't be on his level, he has to turn to someone who can be..."
no subject
Mello was absolutely right: L would never have survived as long as he did if he were as-- Near almost cringes at the word, but there really is no other way to put it-- weak as Bakura is describing him. None of them were fragile or broken, no matter how gory or depressing their pasts may have been-- L told Near about his, when they drank together three months ago, and he’s sure that Mello overheard most if not all of their conversation too—and they wouldn’t have survived until adulthood, they wouldn’t even have made it through their schooling with their minds intact if any of them had ever been as broken as Bakura was implying.
Pathetic, he said through their resonance, his disgust and anger obvious through their bond. But no matter how strongly he felt about this whole thing, he’s careful not to let anything show through his façade: he’d rather make his feelings known through his words than through his body language. He is little more than a guard dog by now. L manipulated him perfectly.
He ignored the way Bakura glanced at them and at his touch, dismissing immediately whatever he may have been trying to imply.
“Who do you think he could have an easier time manipulating? Two geniuses who have surpassed him as one and achieved what he could not, with extensive training on how to manipulate the human mind and an equally extensive knowledge of his methods, or a boy from a world in which friendship is-- quite literally-- magic? Don’t insult our intelligence; the mere thought that he can manipulate us a lot more easily than he can manipulate you is as offensive as it is preposterous.”
Was Bakura really that delusional? The probability of it being true increased significantly since the moment Near first overheard their conversation, and Near now wished he could just sever any ties between them simply for his stupidity alone, but the boy was far too useful to them. If it hadn’t been for his healing abilities, Near would have been in a very different state by now.
“Thank you for reminding us that the role of L does not exist in this world,” he continued, his tone of voice as dry as a desert. “I had forgotten it entirely. He can’t be L in this world and I can’t be L, either.” He repressed the unpleasant shiver he felt at bringing that bit of information up, but he knew that his partner would notice his discomfort through their resonance very easily. “And I never cracked while trying to hold up everything I have been taught in our world with almost zero resources, even when I had no allies.”
That feeling of uneasiness grew as he spoke, but he made a point to use Bakura’s words against him, to try and make him see reason. But given how manipulated the white haired boy had been, Near doubted it would work. That didn’t stop him from trying, though, even if his anger was slowly but surely threatening to overwhelm him, just like it had done with Mello.
“He came here after dying, knowing that he’d lost but that his successors would certainly avenge him and win the game that he could not. Mello came here after dying and without knowing if his plan had worked, not very long after seeing Matt be brutally murdered. I came here after taking his place, and I am the only one besides him who can talk about what it really means to be L.”
His eyes narrowed at Bakura’s last argument. This was absolutely ridiculous.
“He had us, until he seemingly forgot what he, Mello and Matt died for, and what I almost died for. He hasn’t just betrayed us and our trust by constantly placing his life in danger for a thrill, he singlehandedly betrayed everything he has ever stood and fought for, and everyone who sacrificed their lives to bring Kira down.”
omg this is huge, I'm sorry
Bakura wasn't trying to deliberately antagonize him, he was sure, but he was having that effect. How dare he insinuate that Mello wouldn't be there for L if he needed help? How dare he say their support for him was conditional on an illusion that Mello had long since learnt to see past, and Near had never been fooled by at all?
"L didn't ask me for help. He asked me for what amounted to permission to self-destruct, and he lied to me, and called me stupid, in almost as many words.
"He was the only person I ever looked up to in our world. Don't you dare call my loyalty into question, or act like I'd refuse to help him if he really wanted help. But he doesn't."
It had been hard, harder than Mello could have imagined, to hang up on L. But he'd truly believed that the best help he could give his former mentor was to refuse to stand idly by as L stubbornly stayed on a path that would only destroy him, and Mello didn't think he was being overdramatic in thinking of it in those terms.
Bakura had to have got the idea from L that Mello's anger meant he didn't care. Both of them should have known better. It almost didn't matter whether he really thought that, or had only convinced Bakura he did: either possibility stung.
So did Bakura's lack of understanding about how Mello had left their world; he made it sound as if Mello had arrived here flush with success.
"I had no idea if we'd won or not when I came here. I showed up gasping for breath, because I'd just died of a heart attack.
"You have no idea what that was like, and you still don't understand our world. If there was anyone I would have supported, even if he was wrong, anyone I would've made excuses for, whose behavior I'd try to justify, it was L. I didn't stop on a fucking whim. I stopped when I saw that the only thing he wanted was for me to believe his excuses. The same excuses you're repeating. Someone who really cares will try to stop a friend doing something insane and stupid. Not blindly believe he knows best for himself when he clearly doesn't."
He did reach for Near's mind now, having felt that the Weapon was, much less obviously than Mello, on the edge of snapping from frustration and anger. If he won't accept how wrong he is, there's not much we can say to make him understand.
No worries! I just... likely can't match :D
"And I don't think he feels that he has you. Either of you..." He looked over at Mello. "He doesn't know how to handle your devotion..." Then over to Near. "And he doesn't like how much you've tried to be him. How much you're like the upgraded version of him..."
He sighed deeply, shaking his head. "And of course I don't understand your world. Everything I've heard about it is nothing but horrible things... You've all thrown away yourselves to be someone else's ideal.
"Ryuzaki doesn't need to manipulate me... He already knows that no matter what, I'm his friend and I'll do whatever's needed to help him, even when it's what he doesn't want. But there are some battles that just aren't worth trying to fight. He's more addicted to Light than he is to anything else, right now... and what's between them is a mess I don't even want to try and figure out," he admitted softly before looking over at Mello again. "You were the one who encouraged me to try and work with the other Bakura, the person that I died to stop. I know nothing in my world compares to yours, but with this... Ryuzaki's convinced it's the same. He can't let go of that connection. He doesn't want to... he doesn't know what else he would have without that last thing that he defines himself by."
"Light can't be Kira here. The way he killed people back in your world doesn't work and there's no power he can hold over anyone. He's the same as anyone else here and bound by so many chains because of who else is here along side him. If he wanted Ryuzaki dead, he would have let him die in Vegas. There's more to this than just what happened in your world, there's more to this than anything any of us can see no matter how observant you think you might be. If he needs his obsession with Light to keep himself together, then I'm not going to keep trying to fight it so that he pushes me away as well. Because he won't change that just because you fight him over it."