soul_logs | (no subject)

Characters: Signless, Disciple, Psiioniic, Sollux, Feferi, and Aranea? SORRY IF I MISSED SOMEONE
Location: The Ancestor Den
Rating: PG? Maybe a bit of language.
Time: April 25th-30th? IDK However long people want to stay, just use this a catch all log xD;
Description: With the arrival of a certain catfish, there are a lot of discussions to be had.

[It was strange that it had never occurred to her that any of their "enemies" might appear here in Death City. BREW certainly worked in mysterious ways if it thought someone like the Condesce would easily lend her hand to the war effort. She supposed she should at least be grateful that it had stripped her of so many of the things that would make her a dangerous foe, but considering what the Empress' mere presence could do to some of those she held dear to her, Di wasn't feeling especially thankful.

Given that their home was away from any of the free shelters where most newcomers resided it seemed the obvious choice to open up their doors to all those trolls who would be in immediate danger of the Condesce. She scrambled around making preparations for the large host of people they would be getting--thankfully she still had all the furs she had on her person upon her first arrival and they would serve as good temporary beds until they managed to get something better.

The couch had been covered in blankets and pillows, all the furs laid out before it to make a secondary bed. Drinks were pulled out in preparation and when the first knock came she quickly marched over, peeking through the glass in the center of the door before opening it up.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Meant that... I talked to Meenah.

[Ouch. Felt weirder than usual to say.]

[And for that effort. Aranea gave him the biggest, brightest smile.]

Okay.

Tell me about your talk with Meenah.

[Psii could tell face heated up slightly, both at smile and at misunderstanding should have realized sooner. Sense of accomplishment was short-lived, bitterness returning when remembered conversation.]

She made angrier than have been in long time. Said... should have been grateful was kept alive.

[Yeah that sounds like her.]

And that's good.

That you got angry, I mean.

[Psii was very confused by that reaction.]

It is?

Felt terrible.

[Aranea nodded.]

Some things feel terrible. This is an immutable fact. And you deserve to feel those feelings too. You have every right to be anger. To feel outrage of your circumstances. And sometimes those emotions bleed out and become illogical and uncontrollable.

Feeling anger means that you are feeling... the full range of emotions. The stunted wall that prevented the outpouring of the language of the heart is disappearing. It won't always feel good. There are times when you will feel miserable, melancholic, irritated, morose, lethargic, grumpy, frumpy, and sad. You will feel bitter, envious, devious, manipulative, and snarky!

Why, there may be a time where you will be a downright ass!

But. Don't want to feel any of those things. Don't want to be illogical or irrational.

[Would be too much like madness wavelength, he thought, and that was something never wanted to feel again.]

Definitely don't want to be braybeast.

[And now Aranea smiled gently, in spite of her knowledge of his reservations she reached for and touched Psiioniic's hand.]

The reason why joy, happiness, appreciation, love, kindness, compassion, piety, purity, generosity, benevolence, sanctity, comfort, serenity, enthusiasm, honor, justice, and hope have any meaning is because they have a quality that is not-it. It is this understanding that there are situations where they don't exist that makes them worth reaching for and preserving. Your negative feelings come out from you, but the need not consume you.

And being an ass sometimes can be healthy too, when somebody really truly deserves it.

Edited 2013-02-07 09:10 (UTC)

[Psii managed not to tense up this time, and he hoped wince wasn't too noticeable before hardware adjusted and he was fine.

Knew AA was right, intellectually. But abstract understanding of emotions was as close as wanted to get to most of them. When felt them, they seemed to crash through him, not just making hardware go hot or cold or shaky, but short-circuiting software, too, as if they took normal processing abilities completely offline.

SS had told him, when first arrived, that he was sure Psii would learn to handle them. Psii still doubted that.]

Don't know how to keep them from overpowering, [he admitted quietly, looking down.] Especially now.

You are stronger than you think. And frailer than you realize. You've had faced trauma few walk away from. You have started a life when none seemed ready for you.

[She paused.]

I won't ask you to face your past. To return to the place where you were injured. The gods know that you have had your share of pain and "Suffering." That adage "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" does not make mention of the scars that occur. [She gave his hand a brief squeeze.] What I worry is that your wounds to the heart still bleed, and the mask of numbness and stoicism masks your anguish and grief. I worry too that in brushing away the seeping negativity from entering your mind you have also dulled the experience of joy. But most of all...

...I don't think you see a future for yourself, yet. Without a hope for a better future you may continue to mire yourself in the savagery of your past misfortunes.

[Psii blushed at pressure of AA's hand, couldn't help it. But knew affection was behind gesture, and returned squeeze, carefully.]

Am fine. Really.

[Realized insistence may actually have weakened argument, but wanted AA to know didn't have any doubt.

Being alive was more than could have hoped for. To be with family again was beyond wildest dreams. Psii didn't need anything else. Was fine. If what AA called joy came at cost of feeling its opposite, Psii preferred to stay in safer middle.]

Can't do anything about past. So don't see any reason to dwell on it.

["Oh, but you are. Every moment that you think about Meenah and Condense, you feel it all over again. You may not realize it because you think you've found peace, but there's more to live for when you open your heart to it..." Is what she wanted to say.]

And that's fine, for now. Only know that I'm always here to help you, no matter what that means.

Already know that. Thank you, AA.

[He gave her little smile, as if to prove was fine.]

Am here to help you, too, if you need it.

Thanks, Psii.

Let us hope that such a situation won't happen anytime soon.