soul_logs | Mission log, closed

"We should not be," Raidou said, pausing to frown at a group of the trees that looked awfully familiar. He had been keeping track, and it was just unlikely they had gotten that turned around. It wasn't as though there were that many obstacles that would force them away from where they were going...

The ominous pounding of Madness at the back of his head reminded him of what they were dealing with.

"The villagers said there is a safe path through the plains," he said slowly, "yet the victims were found far away from it. Do you suppose the Madness might be affecting our sense of direction?"

"God, that would be the last thing we need. If Madness makes people disoriented enough to wander, you could be right."

Alucard watched Raidou walk ahead of him. Only the day before Alucard had had a very odd thought. He'd been sitting down, waiting for Raidou to finish cooking their dinner. Alucard had watched Raidou from behind and saw how broad his partner's shoulders were. What would it be like to touch those shoulders and run his hands all the way down each arm and to Raidou's hands?

The impulse for that action came again. The dhampir shook his head sharply. Enough with the strange thoughts. He couldn't even qualify them as madness as he'd had them in his own home.

He would do something useful instead. He scented the air to try to catch a scent of their target. "I can't smell anything. It's not too windy or cold but they might be hiding themselves thoroughly."

"We can only hope it will not affect our other senses," said Raidou, oblivious to his partner's idle thoughts. He hated coming into contact with the Madness wavelength; even though it wasn't strong -- at least not yet -- he was already feeling unnerved. No hallucinations yet, no voices, just the feeling of unrest you couldn't quite put your finger on.

It would likely get worse. Probably at the worst possible moment, given his luck. His fist clenched and unclenched, then he slowed down until he was by Alucard's side.

"Hopefully it will not be necessary, but... If I lose my composure during the fight, just grab me and run. Lingering after that is too risky."

It was obvious Raidou didn't like saying as much. After all, he was more or less admitting he might not be dependable when it all came down. Still, it had to be said.

After witnessing his partner admit to what bothered him so much and what happened during the madness, Alucard knew it had been difficult for Raidou to say so much. Having him admit this underscored the danger of the situation.

The dhampir place a hand on Raidou's shoulder and squeezed it for a moment. "I will do as you ask. But first I will fight as much as possible with these kishin eggs so this does not become an issue."

That may not stop me from losing it. He left that unvoiced, however, giving Alucard's hand a brief squeeze instead. Their last mission had gone well. Raidou knew that by all logic, he shouldn't be worried. But since when had logic helped him against the Madness? He had tried to think of an approach, some way to keep his insecurities in check, but whatever plans he'd make ahead of time would just be broken within seconds once the worst of the Madness hit.

No, if there was a way to defeat it, it wasn't through rationalizing. He wouldn't know the right answer until he was face-to-face with his fears again.

Alucard took point again, trying to make sense of the path they were supposed to take.

They walked around for another half an hour, checking the landscape. Between one step and the next, Alucard fell to his knees at the rise of Madness. He heard his father telling him to abandon his partner because he was a weak human and not worthy of respect.

Alucard got up and took a few steps back. "Right here. They have to be hiding somewhere in the landscape."

Raidou froze, his heart racing. They were there, floating in a large circle around him, high above his head. Watching. Breathe. It's just like every trial they gave you before. Defeat the enemy, leave. Simple. Without giving himself time to think, to doubt, he grabbed Alucard's hand.

"Let's get this over with."

Alucard closed his eyes and fell back into his bladed form. Instead of his hand, Raidou now gripped the steady hilt of the Alucard Sword.

Let them come.

Cheated of two more victims completely mindblind from Madness, the trolls leaped up from their hiding places on the hill and charged them. No wonder they were hard to spot. Their hides camouflaged perfectly with the colors of the ground.

Raidou didn't stop to plan or to stabilize their resonance. He charged at the troll-like Kishin Eggs, letting instincts take over. Keep moving. Fight. He knew how to fight. It was better than dealing with unnecessary emotions.

The first troll reached him, taking a swing at him with its rock club. Raidou rolled under it, took a swipe at the back of the monster's knee, and was back on his feet and running before the Kishin Egg had time to react. Flank the second one, strike, move again. They were just like the Oni he had fought time and time again back -- huge, powerful, but slow. These things had thicker skin, but that wouldn't protect them forever.

Keep moving. Attack from the sides. From the back when possible. Don't give them the chance to catch up. He could do that.

Alucard kept his concentration on the fight, ignoring the annoying voices of Madness. Raidou threw himself into their battle. It fueled Alucard's desire to help his partner even more and his share of the resonance flared with power.

For every swipe and attack that trolls gave, Raidou knew how to dodge and counter. Alucard managed to slice off the fingers of one of the trolls, eliminating the danger of one rock club.

Voi rotirea pulpa ta de oase cudintiimei! In their shared resonance, the Romanian became clear. I'll rip the flesh from your bones with my teeth!

Strike, backdash, run, slash, roll, thrust, backflip, run again. The trolls were slowing down, little by little, as more wounds opened over their bodies. Alucard's thoughts washed over him, joining the adrenaline that was driving his body to its limits. Move, move, fight, keep fighting, it's the only thing you're good for--

Raidou hesitated a moment too long. One of the trolls, the one without the injured knee, swung its club with unexpected speed and caught him in his left shoulder. Though it was only a glancing blow, the force was enough to throw him back; he could feel blood running down his arm.

He was back on his feet in an instant, refusing to stop. The moment he stopped to think about it, he would crack.

Raidou hang in there!

Alucard buoyed up their resonance with his own adrenaline rush. When the troll without the club leaned down to grab them, they dodged out of the way. Alucard swiped across its exposed throat, slashing it. The troll choked out its last breaths and fell.

Blood dripped down the blade, obscuring Alucard's vision of the battle. But he certainly could be heard. His scream almost sounded like a wolf howling and his yellow eyes flashed bright on the blade. Ard in iaaaaaaad!

Raidou watched the troll fall. Alucard's howl rang in his ears. The remaining troll was backing up, clearly alarmed. And above them, the ghostly figures of every Raidou before him stared down at them. He could feel their eyes on him

And then, without a warning, he laughed. It was quiet, barely audible, yet the sound seemed to carry across the battlefield.

"What are you looking at?" he breathed. "You want to see me fight?" His lips twisted into a cold smile.

"Then watch."

The troll didn't see it coming. Suddenly it was being mauled, struck with violent, furious attacks. Raidou pushed forward, no longer caring about dodging. The blows struck, not to kill, but to cause pain, to humiliate, to cripple.

And all the while, Raidou laughed.

Alucard had never heard Raidou laugh before. It made sense as both of them were fairly serious individuals not given to telling jokes.

Something was very wrong with the laugh. Raidou, that's enough. Who are you talking to? Unease rippled on his side of the soul resonance.

Raidou ignored him, laughing as the Kishin Egg tried one last desperate swing at him. He leaped, using the club to effortlessly jump up and slash the troll's shoulder. It roared in pain and attempted to shove him away; he merely pushed back, powered by the mixture of adrenaline, Madness and whatever strength he was still gaining from their wavering resonance. The troll fell over, and Raidou stood over it, watching it twitch feebly on the ground. Blood was dripping from his hands.

He felt powerful. It felt good.

Alucard felt wash of deja vu sweep over him. He walked beside his father, Vlad Dracula Tepes the one beloved by the night, and watched some of their generals torture the lesser minions of their army. "If you're going to lead, my son, you will need to develop a taste for putting fear into those under you. Revel in spray of blood and the look in their eyes, knowing their lives are in your hands."

He felt a sick lurch in his stomach and fought to not lick his lips at the sight of blood. Raidou! Kill it now! Do it now! Don't prolong this!

Not yet.

The sword hit the troll's arm, then the other arm, then its shoulder. Raidou hacked away, all grace and technique thrown to the winds, reveling in his own strength. He wasn't afraid. They were watching him, and yet they did nothing. He finally understood.

They were afraid of him. He couldn't believe he hadn't realized it sooner. It had been all but spelled out to him. Kohryu had praised his prowess; even Mikaboshi, thought too powerful for anyone to defeat, had fallen before him, demanding to know why Raidou didn't simply grind the Yatagarasu beneath his heel. He was stronger than them, and everyone knew it.

He laughed harder, butchering the troll, completely unaware that it had long since stopped moving. Everything was funny. He had been so scared, and look at them now, just watching. They were the useless ones, the ones who had to leave all the work to him. He could break away so easily, he could do anything he wanted, even get rid of them all, get back at them for all the pain they had caused him--

Edited 2013-02-18 00:41 (UTC)

The delicious rush of insanity filtered through to Alucard and making him start to believe that his father was standing nearby, watching them both with an approving smirk. They would be such loyal soldiers in Dracula's army to take over everything...

Except Alucard knew he'd run away. He remembered making a choice to do something better and be someone better.

What do you have to prove, Raidou? This mission was not about how much more you could dominate those beneath you! This mission was about saving the lives of people from kishin eggs! We've done that now! It's enough! We don't have to carve our enemies like sides of beef in order to prove a point! RAIDOU! he ended with a final mental scream.

Raidou's sword arm halted. The grin froze on his face for several seconds before he stumbled back, away from the carcass.

"I..."

With the Kishin Eggs dead, the Madness wavelength grew weaker, slowly seeping from his mind just enough that he could see what he was doing. A wave of nausea made his stomach turn.

"I... need to sit down."

Alucard transformed back. Fortunately the blood on his blade form didn't transfer with him. The dhampir made quick work of the souls, swallowing them quickly.

He went back to Raidou, who was sitting on the grass. God, this had been a bad reaction, only in another direction. His partner and friend looked lost. Raidou wouldn't be moving from this spot soon. The best Alucard could do was stand guard over him and wait.

Raidou did not speak. He was breathing heavily, just trying to calm down and clear his head. This was like before, when the Witches had reversed his personality -- or brought out some aspect of him he hadn't wanted to know about. The thought made him balk. Was this the same thing? Had there been an ally nearby, would he have ceased to care about their safety? He probably would have. There hadn't been anything in his mind except the rush of ecstasy, of being free and powerful and unbeatable.

His thoughts were too jumbled to make sense of.

"Alucard-san, I..." He stopped. "No... Nevermind."

"No."

At least his Meister was showing signs of lucidity. He knelt down in the grass. "Tell me what you saw." Having Raidou not tell him anything at all would never get his friend to talk about what was plaguing him.

Raidou took a deep breath, trying to sort out his head.

"It was... I saw my predecessors again, but... they did nothing. They could do nothing to me -- I knew I could destroy them if I wanted to. It made me feel..."

What did it make him feel? Happy? No -- he couldn't possibly feel happy about the idea of killing members of his own clan. They may have been strict to him, but they were his family. Gouto was one of them, his mentor and companion... Why would he want to hurt them?

"I don't know."

"Did it make you feel powerful?"

Alucard's tone held no condemnation. He simply wanted to understand his friend.

"...Yes."

His hand gripped the grass.

"I... I would not betray them just to feel powerful. Never." Raidou raised his gaze, staring at Alucard almost pleadingly. "That was not me... was it?"

He almost wished he hadn't asked that. He couldn't ask Alucard to tell him how his own mind worked, could he?

Alucard sighed through his nose. He moved so he was sitting, not kneeling on the grass. "I do not think I can exactly answer your question, but I can tell you this. When you have power, be it mental or physical over someone, there is a very real temptation to use it harshly. Even if the thought is you could do something better than the people who have power over you. I have felt such impulses before. It is the nature of man to be tempted and what you saw was a possibility of that temptation."

Raidou exhaled, his hands slowly relaxing. "I suppose you are right. Being a Devil Summoner does not make me impervious to temptation."

The more power he gained, the more his boldness would grow... but so would his pride. He would have to keep himself in check.

But wasn't that what he had decided after Grand Canyon too, after the Witches had twisted his morals? It hadn't seemed to help anyone then -- if anything, denying that part of himself had made him even more susceptible to the Madness wavelength. So he had resolved to give himself just a little more freedom... and now his fear had been replaced by rage. What was he supposed to do?

'Abandon the role of "Raidou". Turn away from this spectacle. That will be your salvation...'

He scowled and stood up abruptly. Whatever else he did, he wasn't going to obey the voice behind the Shinado mask.

"Let's go home," he said curtly.

"Very well."

It was quite the quiet trip all the long way home. Alucard did not break the silence until they were safely in their apartment, the door closed and their respective cloaks hung up. The dhampir, standing behind Raidou, placed a hand on his partner's shoulder.

"You can always talk to me, my friend."

Raidou had walked on in sullen silence and remained stiff through their report to Shibusen. He had thought to escape to his room, or go out to the training grounds to blow off some steam -- anything to avoid talking about what had happened.

And yet... The warm hand on his shoulder eased his temper, and he found himself turning and looking up at his partner, searching for... he wasn't sure what. Just watching Alucard's face felt good enough to warrant a prolonged stare.

"I know... Thank you. I just need some time to myself right now. Finding the answers I need... is my burden alone."

"Perhaps I cannot offer you answers, but this is not your burden alone. At the very least, I can listen to you."

It was the most natural thing in the world to enfold Raidou in his arms and rest his chin on top of Raidou's hat. "You are...one of the greatest friends I have ever had and I have lived a long time. I want to help you as much as I am able."

"Ah--" Raidou lost his voice for a moment, a flush creeping up his face. Alucard felt warm, and the heat seemed to spread through him limbs, leaving his skin tingling. Alarmed by the strange reaction, he stood very still, fumbling for words.

"I-I know. I just, er..." he cleared his throat. "There are some things I need to find out on my own. I did not mean I don't want you at my side while I do so--"

He hadn't meant to put it quite like that. The detective trailed off, bewildered and embarrassed.

Oh, so Raidou wasn't pushing him away. Just that as he said, Raidou needed to find a personal answer to his dilemma. Alucard's heart thumped a bit harder. He let Raidou go and placed his hands on Raidou's shoulders.

He couldn't come up with anything to say for a while, except to stare into Raidou's eyes. Belatedly, the dhampir wondered at his behavior and struggled for something mundane to break this silence.

"What say that we order food instead of bothering to cook?"

Why is he looking at me like that? Raidou stared back into Alucard's eyes, then felt his face inexplicably grow hotter and averted his gaze. He had no idea what to say next, and was relieved when the dhampir changed the subject.

"That... That is fine."

This seems like a nice blushy place to end the mission. XD

Sure!

Mission log, closed

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OOC

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