[Mello really didn't doubt his partner; he's just never lost sight of how everything between them might so easily have been different. If they hadn't got the chocolates with the truth drug on Valentine's Day; if Mello hadn't been the first to reach out, dropping his mental walls as Near lay in a coma; if Near had lost his nerve and not said 'wield me' after the fucking witches stuck Mello in their damn machine, or Mello had lost his nerve with so much to lose at stake... He's never believed in destiny, but so many things had to happen exactly the way they did for the two of them to find their way, it's hard not to see the hand of fate at work. And Mello has never forgotten that what fate seems to give you, it can even more easily snatch away.
He slips his hands into Near's hair, automatically starting to toy with it.]
I was... [After all they've been through, it's still hard to admit.] I was scared. I know damn well what you gave up today.
[Maybe, for once, his eagerness to face his fears--to prove they don't control him, to get it over with--backfired. There was never anything to be afraid of.
Would Mello have been able to look into that portal and turn his back on it, if he'd been the one to live in their world, and Near the one only able to stay here? He'd like to think so, but he's immensely glad it wasn't his choice to make.]
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[Mello really didn't doubt his partner; he's just never lost sight of how everything between them might so easily have been different. If they hadn't got the chocolates with the truth drug on Valentine's Day; if Mello hadn't been the first to reach out, dropping his mental walls as Near lay in a coma; if Near had lost his nerve and not said 'wield me' after the fucking witches stuck Mello in their damn machine, or Mello had lost his nerve with so much to lose at stake... He's never believed in destiny, but so many things had to happen exactly the way they did for the two of them to find their way, it's hard not to see the hand of fate at work. And Mello has never forgotten that what fate seems to give you, it can even more easily snatch away.
He slips his hands into Near's hair, automatically starting to toy with it.]
I was... [After all they've been through, it's still hard to admit.] I was scared. I know damn well what you gave up today.
[Maybe, for once, his eagerness to face his fears--to prove they don't control him, to get it over with--backfired. There was never anything to be afraid of.
Would Mello have been able to look into that portal and turn his back on it, if he'd been the one to live in their world, and Near the one only able to stay here? He'd like to think so, but he's immensely glad it wasn't his choice to make.]