soul_logs | [closed, backdated]

Entry tags:

[closed, backdated]

Characters: Near and Mello
Location: Orinoco River, Venezuela
Rating: PG-13
Time: June 15th (backdated)
Description: Mission 197: Orinoco River, Venezuela. Children are going missing, and no bodies are turning up, stumping authorities. Playmates of the missing children say that they swam with the friendly river dolphins, but then they dive under and never come back up...

I hate water.

[Redundant comment is redundant, but Near still finds it relevant to point that out as they finally reach the margins of the Orinoco River. If he were being completely accurate, he'd specify that he hates bodies of water bigger than a large bath tub, but Mello knows that very well.

"Friendly river dolphins" isn't terribly specific as far as kishin eggs go but it gives them a good idea of what they're up against, if the behavior of those monsters is anything like that of their animal counterparts. Hopefully, their appearance will be quite distinct from normal Amazon river dolphins: Near would prefer it if the local authorities didn't get in their way after their mission for the accidental slaughter of a supposedly endangered species.

Near would also prefer it if they could use his abilities without having to get any closer to the water than what they are now. In any case, it's good to know that Mello's a pretty good swimmer, and that Near won't have to worry about swimming or even breathing while in his Weapon form, but neither of these things is reassuring given that water is the kishin egg’s element, not their own.

Before one of those creatures decides to surprise them while Near is still in his human body, he gets closer to Mello and turns into his Weapon form, focusing immediately on their surroundings and on trying to pick up any signs of madness wavelength or kishin egg activity.]

Ready?

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You don't even have to swim.

[Mello catches the Rubik's cube as effortlessly as ever, and eyes the river banks dubiously. He's come prepared to swim, but would rather not if he can avoid it; his memories of the mission where he had to navigate underwater passages are no more pleasant than his partner's.

He starts solving sides to have the laser attack ready.]

Any sign of them?

Edited 2013-07-22 04:01 (UTC)

You don't know that.

[He really, really hopes he doesn't have to swim, or even come in contact with the water in any way.

He feels the shift of power as Mello triggers his laser attack, but his focus is still as sharp as ever, and he can't pick up on anything just yet. Maybe they should try provoking the creatures by threatening their surroundings?]

Not that I can detect. We should start by setting off small explosions in the water, to try and lure them out, assuming that they're in there.

[Mello nods, knowing that Near will feel his agreement through their resonance.

He doesn't know if it's luck or something in the air, or if they've finally learnt how to push each other without pushing too far, but they've had an unprecedented run of peace (for them, whose peacefulness is never serene).

So this variation of their resonance attack feels perfectly easy; Mello takes aim at the river's surface, and doesn't have to put his intentions into words, knows Near will instinctively pick up on them and time the explosive bursts with the motion of Mello's arm as he sweeps it along, pausing where each should be set off.]

[Near thinks it’s a bit of both, even though he has never believed in luck, but he can’t deny that they’re lucky that BREW hasn’t messed with them. Yet.

But he feels how easy it is to tap into the power of their resonance attack, too, even though they aren’t going to use it at its fullest just yet. Near picks up on Mello’s cues perfectly, setting off small, controlled blastwaves in the water every time his Meister’s hand pauses, the timing and precision of each blast making the Orinoco river look almost like the set of a waterworks show.

Their attempt to lure the kishin eggs out is somewhat effective, but not how they wanted it to be. The monsters are nowhere in sight, but a sudden, strong burst in madness wavelength breaks Near’s focus on their attack, but it doesn’t overwhelm him: Near turns his attention to Mello immediately, and focuses solely on reaching for his partner’s mind and keeping him grounded, anchoring him to their resonance so the madness doesn’t affect him as much as it would have done otherwise.]

[Mello's not expecting the madness to flare up with no sign of the Kishin eggs, and it throws him for a loop mentally.

Not the fire this time, though he's sure it's waiting for him, sensed more than felt or heard (yet). This time, the world seems to tilt and shudder, in danger of falling away from him, except it would be the other way around, Mello falling out of it. His fingers tighten convulsively on the Rubik's cube, and the image of Near, bloodied and apparently lifeless, seems to hover beneath his eyelids, but that's not how it went, was it?

He reaches for Near's mind out of pure instinct, out of panic, and latches on, the connection stopping the fall so quickly, it makes him dizzy. He has to take a moment to get his mental footing back, the real world still feeling precarious.]

Fuck, sorry about that.

[His balance has returned just in time; he sees the paleness of the not-dolphins flickering in the agitated water, just below the surface, and takes aim.]

Hit those fuckers.

[Two kishin egg souls, a few injuries and an even bigger hatred of water later, Mello and Near are safely back home.

Sooner than they should be, in Near's opinion, because his Meister insisted that he was fine and didn't need to go to the clinic to take care of the nibble one of the kishin eggs took at him; Near's opinion is quite different, and he doesn't hold back from voicing it yet again when he reaches down to take his shoes off, after their enter the apartment.]

I still think we should have stopped by the clinic.

[No, he isn't going to let that go without a fight.]

I've had worse.

[Mello says it often, and it's always true.]

Don't tell me you're worried about me.

[He knows Near has been, and likely will be again, given how they both seem to almost die way the hell more than Mello would like, but concern over a scratch is unnecessary.]

[Having had worse doesn’t make his current injuries any less valid, and Near doesn’t even say anything as he reaches for Mello’s shirt and tugs him along to the bathroom to get his wounds cleaned up and bandaged.

He does give him a look when his Meister brings up how Near may or may not be worried, though.]

If the movements and functionality of your hand are affected by your injuries, you won’t be able to wield me as efficiently as you've always done.

[Mello huffs a sigh, but allows Near to lead him to the bathroom. Right, he thinks, I'm so sure that's your only concern.]

I'll be just as insanely fast as ever in a few days.

[Rather than replying to Mello’s thoughts out loud and giving them more relevance than what they deserve, Near pretends he didn’t pick up on anything and leads his partner in silence to the bathroom, only letting him go when he grabs the first aid kit.]

Right. Don’t forget you’ll need to be insanely fast tomorrow.

[He sits down on the edge of the bathtub and opens the kit, picking out the items he’ll need, and continues speaking as he does so.]

Sit down.

I will be.

[He sits next to the Weapon, and even holds out his arm for Near to inspect and tend to, not trying too hard to hide his amusement.

The last time Near was injured on a mission, he almost died, and Mello felt more than justified in worrying, and even in not leaving his bedside at the clinic. If he'd been the one to get a scratch like this, Mello has to admit, if only to himself, that he'd probably try to insist on getting him real medical attention too.]

Hm.

[He doesn’t comment on Mello’s amusement, but he does give him a look once again, not caring one bit if he’s being obvious. Mello was injured, and even though it wasn’t serious, that doesn’t change the fact that he was hurt during their mission.

As time passed and they got closer to each other , more than they were before, he slowly but surely started to hate seeing Mello get injured, even when his injuries ended up being relatively harmless. Maybe it’s because they can’t afford any setbacks while trying to level up to Deathscythe status, or maybe it’s because the sight of blood on Mello’s skin makes something cold and uncomfortable twist inside his chest, scaring him more than he’d ever admit, even to himself.

(Near isn’t squeamish. He has assessed crime scenes that were gory enough to make his best agents try to hold their stomach contents down, has been injured enough times in Death City to examine closely as the nurses and doctors did whatever they had to do; when he wasn’t sedated, that is. But no matter how closely he can examine death and destruction without even feeling vaguely disgusted, Mello remains the one exception to that; the floating island incident showed him that he will never look at his partner’s future injuries the same way ever again.)

Near’s touch is surprisingly gentle when he holds Mello’s wrist in one hand and reaches for his elbow with the other one, turning his arm so he can examine the scratches closely. After taking a look, he lets go of Mello’s elbow to grab the items he needs to clean and sterilize the wounds, to prevent any infection from appearing.]

[So Near feels the same way Mello does, and hates it when his partner's injured, even if it's only a scratch like this.

He wonders if it's because Near thinks it's his job to take care of him, the way he does, to the point where he feels he's failed if Near gets hurt. He doesn't think so. He assumes Near felt a sense of responsibility towards the SPK members, but it wouldn't have been tangled up with possessiveness the way this is. The only person allowed to hurt him is me, he might have said, not too long ago, but that's shifted, too. Now he doesn't want Near to be hurt at all.

Mello doesn't object as Near carefully cleans the scratches; doesn't wince, though they're deeper than he thought, and the antiseptic stings. He watches his Weapon, noting the care he takes, how gentle he is.

This seems more intimate than sex, in the strange inversion that happens so often with them. You don't have to trust someone to fuck them, but letting them tend your wounds is another thing entirely, and Mello can't think of anyone else he'd let do it, excluding medical professionals.]

You don't have to look at me like that. I'm fine.

Not yet, but you will be. And you need stitches, just like I said you would.

[Why can’t Mello just accept it when he’s right? Their life would be a lot simpler and easier that way.

But there’s no point in being annoyed at Mello’s refusal to visit the clinic; their first aid kit has butterfly stitches, which Near can apply by himself, and he wastes no time in doing exactly that: with the meticulous care of someone used to working with fragile structures such as card castles or intricate lego models made of tiny pieces, Near applies each butterfly stitch with painstaking care, focused intently on what he is doing.

(Near wouldn’t want anyone else to tend to Mello’s wounds, either, except for qualified medical professionals; while he doesn’t feel as if it’s his job to take care of Mello, they’re partners, and just like he always does his best to keep Mello’s mind anchored during battle, he wants to keep any injuries at bay, too, or to help mend them when they are inflicted.)

As he reaches for another set of stitches, halfway through with Mello’s scratches, the thought that has been lurking in the back of his mind makes itself known again. Days ago, when his Meister surprised him with a grand piano in their living room, Near wanted to ask him something but didn’t do it at the time, feeling as if it wouldn’t be right to disturb what was happening between them right then. But five days have passed since then and Near still hasn’t said anything, hasn’t asked what he’s been wanting-- no, needing-- to ask, and the thought has been at the back of his mind like an itch that he can scratch, growing more and more annoying each day.

Why is he taking so long to just ask him about it? He has never avoided conflict, has never been wary of it, even. And yet he can’t help feeling reluctant in bringing it up, as if afraid that he’ll end up causing a fight, no matter how insanely curious he has been about it ever since it happened, and how he absolutely needs to know.

...this is ridiculous. He has no logical reasons to delay or even avoid bringing it up, so why is he stalling?]

Mello.

[He’s distracted enough to be sure that his Meister noticed it and will ask about it, and besides, there’s no point in delaying this further; Near doesn’t do that. His tone is the same as before, but there’s something else to it, almost like a hint of seriousness, as Near goes back to applying more stitches, but he doesn’t look up at his partner when he finally makes his question.]

Why did you give me the piano?

I do not; it's not even going to leave a scar.

[Mello has as much faith in Near's abilities in that area as he does in those of Death City's doctors, and he'd much rather be here than at the Horrorspital or clinic.

He watches Near apply the butterfly stitches will all the care he normally devotes to balancing Tarot cards in insanely high and fragile structures, if not more. Mello doesn't think his partner feels exactly the same sense of duty he does--it's something greater, really, which he usually puts into words to himself as I take care of my people--but he knows Near would claim, and might even believe, that making sure he's mentally and physically well isn't just part of what they should do for each other as partners, but only sensible as far as self-preservation goes, too.

It's been difficult for Mello to think of it in those terms since Near's last stay at the clinic; days spent sitting by his partner's bedside gave him plenty of time to realize that it's not how vulnerable he'd be that makes the thought of losing Near unbearable.

He's been expecting the question, but hasn't formulated a satisfactory answer, not with how busy they've been and how reluctant Mello is to delve too deeply into his own motivations. He veered too close to that line of thought for comfort the day he gave Near the piano.

Weirdly, Near seems to hesitate before asking, enough that if he hadn't said anything, Mello would have asked what was bothering him. As if he knows this conversation could easily take them down a path neither of them has been eager to explore. Mello tries for a casual tone when he gives his answer, but the same solemnity that colored Near's voice sneaks into his own.]

I wanted to.

I disagree, but you know that by now.

[It really is pointless to keep that subject going, but Near hates not having the last word, even more so when he’s still completely certain that they should have gone to the clinic, no matter how competent he may be at first aid (which he is).

Months ago, he would have justified his protective behavior on self-preservation-- partners need to protect each other in and out of battle if they want to stay alive, after all-- but it’s a lot more than that now, and has been since Near saw Mello unconscious on the Death City ground, looking very far from alive after falling from the floating island. He genuinely cares and worries about his Meister, much like he would care and worry about himself, and seeing Mello injured feels just as bad as if he were the one injured, instead.

Mello’s answer is exactly what Near thought it would be, and he would have felt a flicker of amusement at his predictability if the subject weren’t so serious. Near hopes that this conversation won’t take them down that road, but he knows that hoping for anything at all is futile: it creates a false sense of security, and he can’t let his guard down, not right now.]

You didn’t expect any retribution, and you didn’t want anything out of it, [He begins, as if needing to explain the reason behind his question, even though he knows Mello’s quite capable of figuring that out on his own.] Why?

[Don’t make this any more complicated than it has to be, he said to Mello once, what feels like so long ago instead of the one month and one week it actually was. Is he risking doing the same? Should he let this subject rest instead of digging too deep? But that is not in his nature, and he sensed how Mello was hiding something, something important, after Near finished playing the piece he composed.

But that’s not the only thing he noticed: he remembers how he caught Mello grinning out of the corner of his eye before his Meister asked him to play, and how he wondered why he was grinning like that. But is that even relevant at all, or is Near taking unnecessary things into consideration while trying to make sense of everything?]

[Mello will let Near have the last word this time; what's important is that he didn't try to insist on the clinic.

He knew when he gave his answer that it wouldn't satisfy Near, knows it isn't the whole story, and has since he turned himself away from that train of thought the other day. He's still reluctant to delve into it too deeply.

Part of why he bought the piano is for the intimacy of knowing he's the only one allowed to listen to Near playing, the vaguely illicit thrill of seeing a side of him no one else has ever seen. Part of it is that playing relaxes Near, and Mello reaps the benefits of that.

Neither of those is the whole reason.

What's wrong with wanting to plan something as hard to execute perfectly as this was, and to be pleased at pulling it off so damn well? Near's expression when he pulled the blindfold off and saw the piano for the first time made it worth all the trouble. No one else has succeeded at stunning him into speechlessness, either.

Mello knows the deeper reason, whatever it is, unexamined even to himself, is what Near's after. He's not sure he has an answer for him. Not one he can give. If he admitted the gift was partly expression of an affection he hadn't even known he was capable of feeling, Near would be both skeptical and horrified. Mello's far from immune to uneasiness about the implications himself.

He has to tread carefully.]

I wanted to. I wanted to do something for you that no one else could.

[It's imperfectly phrased, but at least it isn't as damning as some of the things he could have said.]

[Near finishes applying the butterfly stitches as Mello speaks, and then starts to bandage his arm, doing so just as carefully as he’s been tending to his wounds so far. He doesn’t look at his partner, gauging out his reactions from their resonance and what he can see through his peripheral vision instead, but he would have been able to tell he’s hiding something even without their bond; the real reason behind Mello’s actions can’t be just that.

He can pick up on a feeling of unease, too, making him feel quite sure that whatever Mello is hiding right now is important and shouldn’t be dismissed or hidden as strongly as his Meister is trying to do. Their resonance tells him that Mello is hiding something as deeply as he did when he gave him the piano, too, and knowing this only makes him more determined to figure everything out, because if his Meister is going to such great lengths to hide it, then that only means that Near absolutely must know what’s going on.

(After all, it would be better for his Meister to just tell him what the hell is going on rather than let Near’s mind wander off to places it definitely shouldn’t be going to, because going down that path is ridiculous and simply not possible… right?)

It would be funny, if it weren’t so serious, how Mello has done a lot of things for him that no one else could have done, in plenty of different ways. No one else has ever challenged him like he does, in their world and in this one, and no one else would have ever gotten this close; no one else would have made him feel in the first place, either. No one but Mello would have been allowed inside his walls.

Mello’s answer doesn’t satisfy him at all, and it’s far too simple of an answer for something so inherently complicated. It’s not in their nature to just do nice things for each other without expecting anything in return, no matter how small or big that gesture may be.]

If your answer is as truthful as you want me to believe, [He speaks in that same tone of voice, but tries not to sound even more serious than he did before, and finishes bandaging Mello’s arm before he continues.] Then what are you hiding from me? You were hiding something after I played for you, and you’re doing it again. What is it?

[Mello watches Near from under his fringe, as he's been doing. This is definitely detouring into dangerous territory, but he doesn't know how to guide them back to safer topics.

It sure as hell doesn't help that this one is as irresistible as it is unsettling, that Mello can't help but poke at it, pushing at his own comfort zone the way he's accustomed to push at Near's. His own mind isn't supposed to be such a damn mystery to him.

Near doesn't meet his eyes, and it's clear he knows this is important even before he speaks, or he wouldn't be pushing, either.

I feel too much, and it scares me, he could say. I'm afraid it'll take me down a path you can't follow, and more than that: that it'll fuck up one of the only things I've ever cared about having, about keeping.

Mello moves his arm experimentally, though he doesn't need to in order to test that the bandages allow him freedom of movement, or that they're secure.

As soon as he realizes he's stalling, he makes himself stop, and he's unwontedly hesitant when he tries to answer. He doesn't have to tell the truth here by any of their rules, but he's too proud to lie, even if it means admitting he's not certain of his reasons himself.]

I don't know. I... I'm not good at this, either. It was a gesture I couldn't resist once I thought of it.

You're different when you play. I wanted to see more of it. To... be the person who gave you that.

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